Aurora March 30, 2012

Today i felt a little weak but very happy. Played swtor and did some food shopping, I got 6 ready made dinner plates and 24 cans of one soda. When i got home i played with Mistress in swtor. Then she went to bed after telling me she feels a little lonely which i completely get and i feel for her. She gave me permission to try to please myself to completion.  My keyboard is going out. I have to go get another payday loan in the morning to buy a keyboard that means no food money til the 20th i just got more bad news i owe money to my flex spending account of 164.75 due in the morning i will call to find out more details.ok just went over my budget and i will have just enough to pay the bank loan and the flex spending account. So my cell bill will be late and that bill will be 275.00 due on the 20th plus rent 400.00 + 40 life insurance + swtor 15.00 ok If i understand what is going on with my flex account it  might not be that bad. This is what i think happened, they sent me checks and i cash them but they was sent by mistake.

Aurora March 29, 2012

Today i have been in a great mood.all day today. I played swtor and made level 48 before going to bed. stormy did come over to check on me and took me to Denny's for breakfast and it was really good.. Now going to do my affirmation and go to bed

Aurora March 28, 2012

Wednesday about 12:15 i made a fruit smoothie like I always do on my breaks but i have't made one in about a week.but i thought everything was ok looking and smelling. I put strawberries, peaches and black berries in my bullit mix and started drinking it. About 10 mins later I started sneezing out of the blue and then my eyes started hurting, while i managed to tell the customer to need to call them back and i ran down stairs and wash my face and hands. but that didn't help. my face was swelling up and at this Point i could only see out of my right eye. my roommates heard me making noise and coughing. so they came in and saw me on the floor. i managed to get Kim to tell my supervisor that I was sick. Then she called the hospital and order me to be pick up by them. When i got there i could no longer see and was worried because the hospital is 15 miles away and i had no way home. They check me in and ask me about my hormones and could not understand why i was on them. Then they moved me in the ER area and I lay there for 3 hours. Then the nurse came in and took my health card and said is this your husband and i said no i am transgender and their mood changed to lets get this freak out of her, so the doctor came in and look at me for 3 mins and said your fine go home. The discharge me in 1 min flat.And walk me to the lobby. Paul one of my roommates came and got me and I wet right to bed when i got home and in the morning I felt better..

Today i got some replies from some of people i message about doing some activities. One wants to go on bike rides which is a very good thing. And another wants to talk over coffee. Tonight at work it was back to normal and tonight i did not have any problems.

 Just when i thought i was getting things turned around, i get a left hook to my budget. The state of Oregon is taking 150.00 every 2 weeks from my pay check to pay back pcc the good news is its only going to happen from 4-20-2012 to 7-27-2012 after that I can try to see if I will ever be allowed to attend college. There is no over time at work and i can't seem to get an interview with any one. so i have no idea how i am going to keep my word short of selling my car. On the 20th of April i have rent 400.00 pcc 150.00 cell phone 116.00 and life insurance 40.00 and swtor 15.00 and what i should get on my paycheck is 850.00 which leaves me 129.00 for food. i can't even afford auto insurance any more. But the good news is that the next check i don't have any major bills coming out of it other then the 150.00 so that would leave me 700.00 for food and what ever else.So i might need to put off the trip to San Diego till May

Aurora March 26, 2012

i think i understand why so many transgender people commit suicide. not that i am thinking of doing that. its hard not to feel down when your single and sitting in a room alone day after day. its funny i can get dates easy as long as i never tell them i am trans. i know what i need to do with my life for the next few years but i can't focus on it cause i am alone and i can't stand to be alone, well i should say single. i am a good person i am worth loving. its hard to get though days like this where i don't when i might get to spend time with someone.

Update the above is all because i am so lonely and my job is dead only 1 chat every 30 mins and 1 call every 2 hours. If this continues there will be a layoff. My heart aches because i can't find any one that wants to date me. i just don't know how to get this emptiness to go away.


this girl is going to stop with the pity party attitude she has had the last few days. it serves no positive gain and only makes her viewed in a this favorable light. If she feels the need to do this she will save it for her therapist. 

Aurora March 25, 2012

i watch the TV show Touch cause that is my life in some ways and i understand it and believe its true. i come into people's lives for a reason and its not by chance or a mistake its to serve a good deed that only i can do. Right now i am at a cross roads where i don't know who or where i will be next. i do know that where i am now living is only a rest stop. i do believe in a greater being of some sort that speaks to us in ways we may not beware of. i can feel that voice some times. Like when some one is in trouble and i call when they need me to or when they need help but lack the voice or strength to express it. At this point in my life i can tell you why i enter everyone's life that i touch, Like the reason i had a child was to pass on the gift to do this to others. i now know my son will grow up and do the same things for others as i have. i feel it in my heart and soul. My reason for being on this earth is to help people and that is why it is impossible for me to kill myself. i will not die till my task is complete. Every TV show that i watch teaches me a lesson and opens my eyes a little more about who and what i am. The TV show touch is to remind me that i touch peoples lives in a special way that only i can. It showed it to me first in a book that Amy had. The book was a road map of my and my choices. As soon as i took the info the book moved on too someone else its meant to touch. i now understand i had to go to Kerrville not to help Nikki but to help my grandma that was my reason that only i could do. The powers that be sent me Kate because i needed her help to complete the task. if i didn't help her drive to Alpine,ca she would have died. And if i did not live with Kate she would have never moved in with her wife again. If i didn't write that first letter to my dad's new wife they would have got together and my dad would not find his spirit and love again. i could write all day express how me being in there lives help them reach a better point in there's. its not about me its about them. i see that now. That's why i get  such joy from helping them. 

Geesh

Well everyone I am going to interject here for a moment as something needs to be address.  I received comments last night from someone posting Anonymously. It seems that someone wants turn My slaves site into a bashing forum for something completely unrelated to my slaves.  A virtual attack on Myself for something completely unrelated. I don't know who you are or why you would do that in a forum that was obviously not for that,  I also think you are a PUSSY and a coward to hide behind the internet to say such slander.  If you have words for me say them to me face to face.  If not be gone and leave my slaves out of it.

Everyone else I am sorry that I had to interrupt  to put this notice. I hope everyone else enjoys reading their posts and continues to follow