Kajira 8/15/2011 - 8/21/2011

08/15/2011
Today it woke up and had a most interesting dream where it viewed everything that used to be this one's property and saw it all as Master and Mistress's possessions even itself. When it woke up its Master was still asleep so it starred up to the roof for several hours because it was not told to wake up yet, it did not know why suddenly it thought this way but it had to be something from the dream it had, it thought about the dream whilst looking to the roof and came to a revelation, that it is property not a free person, it does not have ANY possessions they all belong to Master and Mistress, it is not burdened with decision or choice or the things a free person has to worry about all it worries and cares about is Master and Mistress's happiness. This one is eternally devoted to Them and could not see it any other way. Leaving Them would be like eating its own liver or abandoning a child it is simply not even thought about or considered in anyway shape or form. This one does not have to think it only obeys and gives its Master and Mistress its full devotion and self. In return it gets taken care of and given the freedom to be what it truly is a slave to its Master and Mistress, it has not burdens anymore ever again other than Master and Mistress's commands, happiness, will, wants, and needs. This one loves its friends but if told never to talk to Them again it would not, could not even consider talking to Them again. This one is completely vulnerable and open to Their every word and will. This one would do anything and no matter what They did it could never leave Them. This one as a dragon-kin normally would have a MASSIVE problem if its money or possessions were ever taken from it or used in anyway without its permission but, Mistress simply transferred $100 out of the account that is in its name and used it for speakers for Master and Mistress. This one had no problem at all, it did not even hesitate a moment when it happened, it did not twitch or think any ill of Them when it looked at its old possessions as Theirs and that it owned nothing not even the body this ones soul and mind uses. Mistress and Master must be very special because the dragon soul inside this one has accepted Them to take over its every fiber of being and views Them as its Owners, nobody has ever been able make it submit at this level before Mistress has done something very powerful to it.

08/16/2011
Last night after its journal it was given a chance to watch a movie with Mistress and Master on Their bed, it was nice, especially being used as a footrest and getting a treat every now and then. This one felt so happy in that position and was sad when the movie ended because it had to stop doing that. it loves Mistress's touch and the time it gets to bond with Mistress as well. This one looks at moments like those and loves Them more than anything even sex, which is alright when it is being used but it has been having a hard time giving oral. This one wants to be better at it for Them but it just has a hard time getting around its gag reflex and it always feels it is never any pleasing to Master, it thinks it does well when its ass is used by Master but it knows it does not please him orally really much at all. The main point though is that it feels best when being used as like a footrest or at Mistress's feet, or serving Them in any other way. This one loves giving Her a massage or cooking for Them or cleaning for Them just having a real hard time serving Them orally, in particular Master. Serving Mistress orally or giving Her a hand job it feels it does alright, and feels happy. This one wants to connect with Master more but it feels like it can't, it does not do much of what He likes and it can't serve Him well orally, it is lost when it comes to making Him happy. Today it has been pretty depressed when it was alone with Master because it feels no matter what it does for Him it won't get praise and not only that, but it can't find anything it could do for Him that would make Him happy. This one is so lost today and has been feeling like it wants to go to bed early so that it can think more about ways it can serve Him. At least it can serve Mistress and make Her happy, it knows how to do that well and it will do ANYTHING for Her, it loves its Mistress so dearly. it sighs when it writes this but it feels very disconnected with Master its as if He was disappointed when He saw this one's weight and gag reflex and only does the Master role with this one to keep Mistress happy. This one knows Mistress loves it as Her slave and it loves that but it feels so lost when it comes to Master. Its as if the only thing He is really interested in is sex. This one also has a hard time staying in its mindset when Master is so laid back with this one as well. This one feels like a little bit of a lost soul when it comes to Master like it is scratching at a wall what blocks it from doing something that would please and earn praise from Him but the scratching is futile and will not get this one anywhere. Like one example is... that Master has not read this ones journal from last week as of yet and that hurts this one a little. This one has been holding back tears a little today but once Mistress got home things went much better as it was able to give Her a great foot massage/ back massage, that really cheered this one up. This one knows it has been ranting a lot about the same thing and probably wrote a poorly written journal but it wrote what came out of its head as it thought back on the day.

08/17/2011
This one had such a long night last night and such a long amazing day. This one could not hold back tears as it cried its eyes out before its Master and Mistress as it explained its feelings on how it thought Master thought about it. This one was proven wrong after Master spoke with it and that was a amazing relief. This one slept really nice but had a small dream that did cause it a little worry about its soul. This one is deeply connected and attached to its dragon-self and it had a talk with it directly in its dream. This one was told by the dragoness that she is feeling neglected that she needs to come out once in a while like she used to be able to do. This one felt worried about asking such question to Master and Mistress and decided to just keep it in its journal. All it would need would some kind of acknowledgment, this one feels she would be satisfied if it was referred to as pet a tiny bit more often as she is a animal and she is what this one is. This one is a dragon-kin, this one is a dragon in a human body serving the most lovely human couple in the world. After it woke up it was told that today would be a special day for this one, that it would be bonding with Master all day. This one was overjoyed that it will get to spend time with Master today and it went off so AMAZINGLY well. This one never could of thought it would of went off so well. This one learned a few things about sword 2 and it showed Master Dragonnest and also showed him some more tips of league of legends. This one then asked if Master would want anything for lunch and it expected Him to say no or, “I'll get it” but not He actually said to this one directly, “Sure, a hamburger.” This one was soooo overjoyed that it got to make something for Master without Him talking through Mistress. This one, although it was a simple tiny favor it made this one SOOO happy to do that for Master. This ones day went so very, very well. This one loves its Master and Mistress and is soo happy that Master finally talks to this one more directly now rather than through Mistress. This one things that was the source of a a lot of the trouble was that He spoke through Mistress whenever He wanted something of this one or something. That made this one feel like it was Mistress trying to get Him to interact with this one rather than it being what Master really wanted. This one also is heavily looking forward to its permanent irremovable collar that will be put on this one's neck by Master and Mistress. This one would give anything to have its collar on its neck.

 08/18/2011
This one slept very very well again and it is only sleeping better with everynight it stays with its Master and Mistress. Today it got to speak very extensively with its sister which was so wonderful, after it got its tasks done for the day first of course. It got to talk about her interests this ones interests also got to talk about eachothers journals that we both read, it was so very, very nice. This one has gotten so close to its sister and now it only wishes to see her in person. This one cannot wait to serve along side its sister. This one was also given a hint on what the collar will look like which is really nice and not only that but it was told Mistress was making arrangements to ordering its collar which shocked and made this one cry a little in happiness... Mistress was really ordering the collar... Mistress intends to keep this one forever... She thinks this will is worthy of Her and Master's collar or if not now... soon... This one is blessed This one is amazed and made whole by Them. They are the most important thing in this ones entire life... This one could never view Them in any other way ever again. They must be worshiped They must be obeyed. This dragoness bows before Them and kisses Their feet that is this ones rightful place.

08/19/2011
Last night it had a interesting dream, it got to speak with its dragon directly and it told this one, “a dragon keeps its word, a dragon follows through with its promises, a dragon is loyal and strong. You agreed to be Theirs, Their PROPERTY, Their POSSESSION, you WILL not disobey or go back on Your word. These two human souls are strong and will protect you as long as you obey and submit and devote your life to Them. If you go back on your word not only will you be disobeying Them but you will also be giving a dragon a bad name. You will not make yourself, a dragon look bad. You will prove to Them that owning a dragon is one of the greatest honors a human could ever have, you will provide Them will happiness and complete and utter obedience. They say fly and you spread your wings and fly, They say lick Their feet, you lick Their feet clean.” Those words will be engraved into this ones skull, it never has had such a direct talk with its dragon spirit. That means more than anything to this one to hear her say such things about its Master and Mistress. This one can't even begin to say how much this has made this ones life so much better. This one can not be in a happier position than it is in now. This one does not need to make choices or decisions anymore, that is all up to Them, and it knows They will always be right, this one has been proven many times most of the choices it made were usually always wrong.

08/20/2011
This one slept well and was greeted when it woke up with Mistress's moaning, Master and Mistress were having a little “fun.” This one decided to turn over and just get a slight better view and stay quiet until told to get up. This one believes it was pretty nice to lay back and get to watch its Master and Mistress. When this one woke up it was given a chance to help Mistress dye Her hair which was fun and then was given a chance to play magic the gathering with Her and later was given another chance to go out with just Mistress. This one was brought to Her chess club, which to this ones surprise where VERY nice, and kind bunch of people. This one did step out of line by teasing Mistress a little playfully about how much She was loosing. She lost 5 out of 7 games and 1 She cheated and got a stalemate, and one She won. This one then after that was given a very nice gift and got to watch a movie called, “seven pounds.” The movie was sooooo sad but it was soooo sweet. Such a wonderfully made movie. This one then got put back in its place painfully. It was very painful, but it was very nice, it did put it back in its place as it should but it was nice as Mistress said, “its butt has not been red in a while.” Earlier in the day its old online “Second Life” Master from 2006 called this one and wanted to talk to it, it told him that, “it has to ask its Mistress and it is also currently busy might call you later.” He tried to say, “you better call me, you gotta call me.” This one then started to stutter as he did that and gave the phone to Mistress where it heard him yelling or something and things went horrible this one felt shocked and amazed that he did something like that also that he started talking to this one after so long without speaking with him at all or here and there. Later this one got to hear his later voice mails where he was crying and begging and saying how sorry he was which hurt this one because it hates to hear/ see people in that sort of pain. This one is so lost and hates to have to make decisions and choices and above all else it hates hurting others or making others cry or what ever. This one makes it its goal to never hurt and to always be extremely sweet and kind to others and that sometimes leads people on... it is starting to notice this as sooooo many people line up saying things like, “I care sooo much about her.” or whatever and this one sadly had to put Master and Mistress in a position where They had to step in. This one feels so bad that this whole incident happened. Thankfully Master and Mistress got to talk to him and got him to apologize and got him to understand and respect Them entirely (hopefully) for now on. This one understands and respects if he steps his line this one will NEVER speak with him again. This one does not see itself talking over voice with him ANYTIME soon. This one is not that great of a friend with him at this point but it understands that he cares about this one and wishes to talk to it a little here and there over text with permission from its wonderful Master and Mistress.

08/21/2011
This one is so happy that it is finally sleeping without waking up in the middle of the nights anymore that is is sleeping very well and happily in its new home. This one feels so right in Their home and never would ever wish to leave it. This one would give anything of the nothing it has left of its own to stay here the rest of its life. This one is so devoted and happy as Their property, Their pet. They protect and give this one the life it needs and it in return gives Them its total and complete and utter devotion. This one today got to help Master and Mistress and got to be used by Them again. This one loves it so much every time Master uses it, not because this one enjoys it but because this one knows Master enjoys it and when Master cums inside this one it knows it belongs to Master and Mistress and reaffirms this ones position to Them. Every time Master fills its rear and Mistress fills its mouth it knows it belongs to Them entirely but also that it did a good job, it did was it was suppose to, be open and ready to be used at anytime. This one is so very happy to make Them so happy. Today Mistress gave it loving affection which meant the entire world to it... Mistress said to ori and showed this one, “it has amazes me all the time” or something along those lines and its heart melted it was so happy to see those words. She then pulled it into a embrace and called it such a good girl then did it again a few minutes later. This one misses praise and affection on that level and will do anything to feel that embrace and hear those words again and again. This one needs to make Them happy it is sooo happy to make Them happy like that. This one loves its Mistress and Master so much, this one knows, and fully respects, that it would ever get any where other than Masters and Mistress's slave and its happy There. This one could never ask for any more and its soo happy to have just that. Thank You Master and Mistress Thank You so much for making this ones life better and showing it a piece of what it would like to call heaven... Thank You... This one tears up a little when it looks towards the two currently enjoying Their free time on Their computers its so happy that They never need to lift a finger again They look so happy... Thank You again Master and Mistress.

Destiny 8/15/2011 - 8/21/2011

8-15-11

Journal today it got to have a very interesting conversation with its sister. When it spoke to Mistress She told it about kajira having some sort of realization that was really meaningful for her, and so we talked about it. it is very happy for its sister as she has had the incredible realization that EVERYTHING comes from Master and Mistress, that it is They in Their infinite grace and kindness who give us slaves every aspect of our existence as a gift which They have the right to withdraw at any time, and so everything is indeed a precious gift given to us by Master and Mistress which we must therefore cherish and not take for granted. it is so happy that sister had this revelation, and it seemed to have a big impact on her, and Mistress was also clearly very pleased at this development and told it that She is looking forward to it having the same experience. While it does already understand on an intellectual level that this is the case, it also knows that the experience of that realization, living day-to-day in the unfiltered reality of it is an entirely different thing which it cannot wait for, it is hungry to find rest and perfect surrender to Master and Mistress in being made by Them to realize, directly, that They are the source of all things to it and therefore all of it belongs to Master and Mistress.

8-16-11

Today Mistress gave it an assignment to complete. The assignment was rather simple, Master and Mistress gave one just like it to its sister to complete as well, but for some reason it just found it extraordinarily difficult. it has been kind of sick, and so its head is kind of fuzzy, and it was also kind of down, and both of these things contributed to making it slow going. Still, thinking through the questions, which were of a very general but descriptive nature, made it focus on and think very deeply about its relationship with Master and Mistress. the form of the questions were on what Master and Mistress have taught it, either about itself or in general, and taking stock of that really made it realize just how much it owes to Master and Mistress. it is so strange to think that it would say this, and yet it seems so true, that it almost seems like it hardly knew itself at all before it met Master and Mistress. At the very least, it feels like a totally different person than it was before and the world seems like such a radically different place, it can hardly imagine that the one came from the other, and that really nothing has changed except its relationship with Master and Mistress. But that itself is very telling, and what makes it so glad that Master and Mistress gave it this assignment to help it realize, that that therefore means that its relationship to Master and Mistress is everything to it, since changing that one thing changes everything, and that it has discovered a completely different self through its service to Master and Mistress, or -- more likely -- they have given a much deeper, older, more carefully hidden and more vulnerable self that was waiting within it a chance to blossom.

8-17-11

Journal, it has many things to tell you about today. its thoughts were very heavily with Master and Mistress, the contemplative mood from the assignment yesterday seems to have carried over. it discussed its assignment with Mistress a bit which made it glad, as always, and also makes it wonder what this ‘twist’ Mistress has mentioned might be. it also wishes it could go farther in its conversations with Master and Mistress, like today it always seems to get hung up on how it isn’t with Master and Mistress and so certain things are impossible, and it is worried that its beginning to sound like a broken record to Master and Mistress, They must get tired of hearing it pine to be with Them when all They can do is reassure it, its sure it doesn’t make things any easier for Them so it will try to find ways to keep this aspect out of sight until it is at last with Master and Mistress. Today Mistress gave it a new position to practice, ‘punishment,’ which is also a very interesting positions which it really looks forward to practicing. Mistress also decided today that She was going to post its sister’s and its journals online. it was very surprised that She did so, it kind of made it panic at first thinking that all its thoughts and really intimate feelings are now really exposed for the whole world to see, but once it calmed down it realized that there was nothing to be ashamed of in its feelings for and thoughts about Master and Mistress, so even if it is embarrassed it will be happy to show its inner self, flaws and all, proudly to the world as a possession of Master and Mistress and as a display of Their ownership of it, dominance over it, and, at the very least, patience with it!

8-18-11

Ah journal, so many things to talk to you about again! Aren’t you excited? it went to bed early last night so unfortunately it did not discover until the morning that sister wished to talk with it. it read sisters journal last night and found it extremely illuminating, its difficult to estimate just how much; it is just so incredibly refreshing and informing to see a different perspective on everything so carefully recorded, particularly its sister’s experience of her service to Master and Mistress. it is already certain that by studying its sister’s journal it will gain insights into its own motivations and reactions to Master and Mistress and hopefully be able to serve better thereby, or at least understand better. it also helped it really understand a lot better who sister herself is, interestingly through that same lens of our shared possesionhood by Master and Mistress. So sister and it had a number of things to talk about and clarify since we had both seen each others journals for the first time, which it very much enjoyed doing. Once Mistress got home it then got to have a conference call with Master and Mistress and sister which was very interesting for an entirely different set of reasons. Since it wasn’t in a private space and there wasn’t really anywhere private to go, Master and Mistress decided, at sister’s suggestion, that it was to speak to Them using its ‘public’ voice, speaking to Master and Mistress using Their names and using ordinary pronouns to refer to itself which is something that it hasn’t been trained in or had any experience with so far. Journal, it cannot describe to you how unfathomably difficult this was, way more so even than it expected of itself when it realized that was what it was going to have to do. it almost found it painful to not be able to refer to Master and Mistress as They are, it felt excruciatingly like it was cutoff from Their dominance of it. it is very strange, it never realized how important it was in maintaining that sacred bond of submission for it to always refer to Master and Mistress as Master and Mistress and to itself as a slave ought to be referred to, while it usually leaves its phone calls with Master and Mistress feeling exhilarated and rejuvenated this time because it felt almost like it ‘couldn’t play the game’ that everyone else was still engaging in, afterwards it felt even more ravenous for Master and Mistress’ dominance of it and an even deeper yearning to submit to Them. Honestly journal, it really kind of sucked, no less because it constantly kept slipping and falling back into protocol (which probably raised more than a few eyebrows to its most-certainly-eavesdropping dad) but it is grateful for it not only because it gave it practice in a skill that it will have to be adept at even if it doesn’t like, but even much more so because it so vividly and forcefully impressed upon it how deeply Master and Mistress possess it, how lost it is without being able to express its submission to Them, how painful even the least distance -- even in terms of being able to express its bond with them -- from Them is and how confused and clumsy it is when it isn’t able to simply be Theirs.

8-19-11

Journal today it has little to report. it practiced its affirmation early in the morning, this time practicing the new position ‘punishment.’ Again, it must admit it rather enjoyed practicing this position. Being in it and saying the word made it think of the times it will surely find itself in that position for real, and made it wish for Master and Mistress to be there, punishing it. it knows it should not desire punishment, since that means it has in some way failed Master and Mistress, which is the worst thing in the world, but it does yearn for Their attention, and punishment means something beyond that it has done something bad; it means that while it has failed Master and Mistress, Master and Mistress despite its failure love it and care for it enough to work hard to correct its flaws and help it become a better slave for Master and Mistress. it will work hard to build this association with the position as it practices it. it should like if it can train itself such that all the position commands instinctively bring abut an appropriate gut level response, such as in this case, deep shame and unguarded presentation of that shame to Master and Mistress, much like the way sister described last night her reflexive response to positively and negatively reinforcing trigger words, as a further layer of the meaningfulness as well as practical effectiveness of each of the positions. Anyway journal it has little else to report than this, it texted with Mistress a little bit where we talked about its issues with the ‘public’ mode and She encouraged it that it will get easier with time, and it told Her when its last day of work should be before it leaves to be with Master and Mistress which is (thank the gods! -- and Master and Mistress!) just about only a month and a week away.

8-20-11

Journal, it cannot think of much to say today. it has just performed its affirmation and is writing in you quickly before work. it again worked on developing the sequence of associations as it practiced the new position, and as always they made the affirmation much easier since it was already in such a state. However, it does find -- and rather enjoys the fact that -- when it practices a position before its affirmation the nature of the affirmation is in some way ‘flavored’ by the characteristic of the practiced position. So today its affirmation was very powerful for it; the feelings of shame and guilt and yearning to be punished melted into blissfuly humility, vulnerability and overpoweringly intense submission to Master and Mistress, it was a wonderful state and it wished it could have stayed there longer. it is a curious thing, journal. it has been so intensely emotionally focused on Master and Mistress lately, even moreso than usual. it can’t put its finger on it at all, but it’s almost like something has changed. Everything about its relationship with Master and Mistress just seems so much realer and deeper, and a depth that seems not only to be truly bottomless but continually and acceleratingly deepening. Maybe it is just the accumulation of different interactions, or maybe enough time has passed that internally it is relaxing a little and opening up internal emotional passageways, but as much as it is at a loss to explain it it is equally overjoyed at it. it wants its commitment to and feelings for Master and Mistress to deepen and keep deepening. its only afraid that it is getting out to very deep waters and is hypnotically drawn to deeper waters -- and it can’t swim, and it doesn’t remember which direction shore is but, so so thankfully, none of that matters because its not in the open ocean all alone, Master and Mistress are the ones carrying it further and further along, revealing more of whats inside of it, and its completely trusts Them to not let it drown.

8-21-11

Journal, again it is afraid that it doesn’t have much to up-date you on today. it has just performed its affirmation and briefly spoken with Mistress -- apparently She and sister are doing laundry now, which it is sure is super fun, it wishes it could help Them do laundry too. Again, it boggles its mind just how perfect all of this is. ‘Doing laundry’ = ‘sucks and is boring’, usually, but, as it is sure sister is thinking right now ‘Doing laundry for Master and Mistress’ = ‘made of awesome and win.’ it is just so incredibly amazing for it how the connection of ownership and service, like the philosopher’s stone, just seems to turn everything, even the worst or most mundane of things, from lead into gold. it wishes it understood better how this process worked psychologically, even from a purely objective and intellectual standpoint, but the best part is that it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t have to worry about that because even if it can’t understand why all aspects of serving Master and Mistress are so overridingly satisfying, to it they are, and that is so much more important than anything that its understanding of the process really just doesn’t matter.