07/25/2011
This one slept alright and its day was going fairly well but later on in the day it was very excited to get to talk to its sister and Mistress and Master, but during the conversation its roommate walked in on it wearing the collar without its shirt and he stormed off in a huff, then came back a couple minutes later and started to fight with it verbally, it had to end the call and try to end the argument and it was very, very worried it upset its Mistress. This one had such a terrible night and was treated horribly by its roommates it cannot wait to be away from all of this... the away time with its exercize only helps so little. This one cannot wait until it is away and happily under the love and care and will of its Master and Mistress.
07/26/2011
This one woke up quite late thanks to its work and began work straight away on its inventory and cleaning up and its roommate did not take any delay at all in making the work a living hell, this one is about fed up with its roommates, this one thinks they will never understand its feelings and understand that this is the life for it. This one did not feel that well although because it did not get to talk to its Mistress/ Master much at all today, it feels empty without Their praise and supervision, but its affirmation helped it a lot. At the end of the day though it writes this journal a little late because of all of its packing and it worries so much that Mistress is going to be really disappointed or upset with it, it hates more than anything to upset and/ or disappoint its Mistress.
07/27/2011
This one could not sleep when it got home from work so it ended up going to bed around 10am, when it collapsed basically. When this one woke up it was six pm and it got nothing done, it hates so much to waste a day doing nothing productive, it could of got so very, very much done but it did nothing, it bugged this one a lot, but it is happy to know that living with Master and Mistress it will not be unproductive and it will be at a constant service to Them. The only thing that kept this one from going insane was that it took a extra long exercise in the evening to make up for the loss of the day.
07/28/2011
This one tossed and turned all night it has been having a little bit of trouble sleeping, it believes it is just worrying about how its friends have been taking the entire thing... One of its friends told it to its face, “You will be back, I'm not going to say goodbye, this isn't the life for you I'll see you again soon.” Also today this one was guilt tripped into picking up its roommate and he told it to pick him up at 7pm, come 6pm he calls this one during its conversation with its Mistress and gets this one to pick him up early which this one would not mind much but it was talking with its Mistress, one of the two it is devoted to more than anything, and it leaving to do such a task could make Mistress think She was not the most important thing to this one, which is not and would never be true but still can convey that message easily when it does something such as that, it had a talk with its roommate saying that yes there is only a few days left but during that time please as much as he can respect this one and its Devotion to its Mistress.
07/29/2011
This one feels bad it has not been keeping more in touch with its Mistress and it thinks this lack of communication it has had in the past couple of days with its Mistress is making it have a harder time sleeping, it really wants to work on whilst its away from Master and Mistress to keep in touch better, the affirmations help a lot but they are not the same as talking with its Master/ Mistress, it loves Them so much and loves serving them in every way possible. This one writes this as it eats its dinner, but things are really starting not to feel right... Eating at the table, sleeping on a bed, having almost complete “freedom” feels like slavery to this one in a way, when it serves only itself it feels bad, and almost ill, this one cannot be any more grateful for what Master and Mistress have provided it, and showed it, that serving someone called a Master/ Mistress is what this one has always needed, the missing piece in its life, the black hole inside its body that could not be filled before. This one knows it cannot go through its life only serving itself, it desires no needs to serve someone else and no matter how many times it says or writes this or a similar statement down it isn't enough.
07/30/2011
This one slept horribly, it recalled not messaging Mistress last night about its Affirmation and journal on the correct time and it felt all the more horrible about the whole thing, it did not sleep well at all, it hates disappointing its Master and Mistress. After it got home from its exercize it was surprised to see its friend and its roommate waiting for it to get home with a surprise.... This one is being dragged to a movie, “Cowboys and Aliens” its by Stephen Spielberg and has Harrison Ford (came out of retirement merely for this movie.) if it was not for those two factors to be honest this one would never of considered seeing such a movie. This one needs to hurry on this journal though because this was a bit of a surprise, a friend of it and its roommate reflected on how they acted toward this one and know that no matter what they say or do they cannot change this ones mind so they decided to make the last few days “not as bad.” This one does worry about its affirmation, but its roommate told it the movie is only just under two hours, which if there is no traffic will give it enough time to get home and do its affirmation on time. This one hopes they are honest on their intentions to make the next couple of days not such a living hell.
07/31/2011
This one feels a little better and slept a little better this time. its Mistress told it a few things and during the movie it discovered the movie was not under two hours but actually about two and a half hours, it panicked it could not disappoint its Mistress and Master again so it told its friend and roommate sorry and went to the bathroom, grabbed a stall and sat on the seat closed its eyes and did its affirmation, it felt so very nice to be that devoted to its Master and Mistress, and when it told its Master and Mistress what it did and was told it was a very good girl, its heart flew, it felt like a child on Christmas morning, those words from its Mistress and/ or Master mean the world to it, and it felt like such a good girl and a good slave, it deserved those words and it cherished them and held them close, it wants, no needs to hear those words again and it will do anything to please Them to its best ability, Their smiles and praise mean more than the entire world to this one. The movie was pretty good but it missed the last about thirty minutes which was fine because its friend caught it up on what happened. This one is starting to get crazy excited to move down with its Master and Mistress only a few days left... This one cannot wait, this life is everything this one could ever want. The next few days before it heads down, this one vows to it self to prove to its Master and Mistress how devoted it is, so it can hear those words again.
This is Blog for My voluntary pets(slaves) journals. This is daily record of their journey and the ups and down of daily life in their own words. Please leave comments for My pets(they do love praise) and for their Mistress any ideas or questions are encouraged! We do live a 24/7 Total Power Exchange (TPE) life.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Destiny 7/25/2011 - 7/31/2011
7-25-11
Journal it is very excited because it has so many things to talk to you about today. it just got off of a long and very interesting Skype call with Master and Mistress and its sister a few minutes ago, and it is still giddy from it, it doesn’t know where to start journal. For one thing, early in the morning as it left for work Mistress sent it two emails, and one of them contained the first of the position pictures of its sister -- which it was expecting -- and a new method of practicing them along with the affirmation --which it wasn’t, and which it found to be such a great idea and so helpful; it really looks forward to this new method of practicing positions since it thinks by connecting the position with the command it will make the reception of the order and its performance not a two-step process but a complete unity, such that there is no thought at all but just obedience. This first new position is ‘attention’ which is different from the attention position Master and Mistress originally told it it was to use…it will have to remember to ask for clarification on this, as it forgot to during its chat with Master and Mistress today. Anyway, it didn’t get to practice its new position, since it was late coming back from work and so performed its affirmation kneeling in the back-seat of its car, but it looks forward to doing so tomorrow. Anyway, Mistress also told it about the very difficult time it’s sister has been having with her roommates. it can hardly imagine why people would be so difficult towards their friend about something that they think is going to be a really positive change. Although having talked to sister about it, it thinks it understands a little better that its really just because her friends seem to have no knowledge of the scene whatsoever and so are basing their fear on made-for-tv-plotline type ideas about the relationship. As it recalls, it actually expected its friend to react in a similar way, saying that it was a trap or too dangerous or i would wake up without kidneys or something, and, actually as it thinks about it more deeply, it was when it got such a enthusiastically positive reaction about the whole situation that it started to think about being Owned by Master and Mistress as a realistic possibility and helped it come off of the fence about everything. Anyway, it hoped that during our conversation sister was able to get some relief from her friends harrassing her. it knows it certainly always draws strength and comfort from talking to Master and Mistress.
7-26-11
Today it didn’t do very much other than begin to pack up its things. When it spoke to Mistress She told it that Master and Mistress intended to have the same sort of conference calls like it had yesterday on a regular basis, which it is sure it will enjoy very much just as it has enjoyed all its calls with Master and Mistress, and its sister. However, it has occurred to it just now that these will probably be quite different from this one two weeks from now, since sister will be there serving Master and Mistress, and so the only reason to have a call at all will be to keep it in the loop. it is afraid that this will make the possibility of it becoming disconnected; it will have to try harder to ‘be there’ emotionally, mentally and spiritually even if it can’t be physically when that time comes. it does worry that it will be like a feeling it felt a little when sister was last there with Master and Mistress, that the effort of staying in touch with it is really for it and not for Master and Mistress, that it is being a burden on Master and Mistress since tTey have to make an effort to keep in contact with it, which makes sense now but seems silly if They have its sister there serving Them, like the ephemerality of a pen pal compared to someone you see all the time every day. it knows these are merely self-disparaging and un-constructive thoughts, but so it will work harder to overcome them. it knows it will all be made better once it is actually with Master and Mistress…but it will be a struggle until that time, at least for it. Then again, it was a struggle before, and by comparison this is utter ease and bliss, but it digresses. Little else to report today journal, it practiced the new method of practicing the positions and found it very calming to repeat the position while holding it, it really helped it get in the mind-state to then perform its affirmation.
7-27-11
Today slave mostly focused on packing, and spend some time with its roommates. it will try not to talk about the packing or its friends here, since it has been rather down thinking about these topics, while setting its mind on Master and Mistress is what makes it happy, and so it will not belabor the journal with those issues but instead talk about its service. However, unlike usual it finds itself at a loss for words. its mind feels kind of numb and quiet. it spoke to Mistress briefly over chat today, which it enjoyed; as it expected it alleviated some of the loneliness it was feeling (paradoxically, since its friends were right in the next room, but again, strangely, even though it has known them for years and years and Master and Mistress only a few months, They care about it in a completely different way…it is not as though its interactions with its friends aren’t meaningful, they are just… surface-level. Master and Mistress are depth.) it hopes that performing its affirmation will help pull it out of this slough, as it so often does.
7-28-11
Today it was very excited journal. it has had a wonderful idea for something it can do for Master and Mistress, and so all day They have been in their thoughts, giving it a tremendous boost in energy, but because it will not record this until it has thought it through more carefully and accomplished it somewhat, it has little to say today. Still, it had a very interesting conversation with Mistress over texts, and while because it performed its affirmation early in the day it did not get to do so today, it is very excited that tomorrow it will get to practice a new position; ‘Inspection,’ as Mistress has just sent it a new picture from the set its sister took.
7-29-11
Early in the morning today it performed its affirmation before it went to work. it however has arrived home in such time that it honestly could have performed it later in the day, and it is almost tempted to do so. it finds such closure in performing the affirmation, it is an especially useful way to sort out its thoughts concerning Master and Mistress and its service, which would be helpful today especially since they were all mixing up in its head with its worries about moving and its friends. Instead, it supposes it will just meditate some on its service or, more likely, sit and fantasize about the future. Still, it wishes to record one salient detail from its affirmation this morning. When it began practicing the new ‘inspection’ position, it noticed something different from the first one. it thinks it is perhaps because, while attention denotes only something about the state of the subject (slave in this case), inspection inherently denotes both that there is a thing being inspected and an inspector. Because of this, as it was saying the name of the position to itself and holding itself in it, it felt not only its own state of ‘being inspected’ but also felt the presence of Master and Mistress, as if they were there inspecting it. it is very excited, because it realizes these positions are not only an opportunity for it to memorize the command and practice the posture, or even to make the issuance of the command and assumption of the posture a single movement as it suggested a few entries ago, but, moreover, that it is a way to practice entering and being in the state of consciousness that the position denotes (being at attention, being inspected, etc.) which it finds very exciting.
7-30-11
Today it performed its affirmation before work. it is writing this entry just before it goes to bed; it has been visiting with is friends all night, as this is the last night it will probably see them. it is really upset and sad -- while it knows it hasn’t explained it all in detail to you, dear journal, it has a very long history with these two particular people which makes all this very difficult for it. it feels so terrible, it has just felt so empty this week, like it has been holding its breath all week for what’s coming tomorrow. it makes it feel ashamed that it hasn’t had as much to say about its service to Master and Mistress. It may have something to do with the way it feels about Them, especially since its dealing with this: in both cases, there’s tons of emotion pent up inside it about the situation, but in the case of its friends there are a ton of words spilt and all of them are meaningless and not what it wants to talk about, and so with Master and Mistress it feels like it doesn’t need to say anything, it just needs to trust in Them and serve Them, and in that there is perfect meaning and joy and purpose. Obviously, it can’t express its obedience now without words since it is at distance, but that is not the point. Saying this has just made it wonder if indeed there is some deeper change in the way it thinks about the world and interacts with others going on, or if its responding to changes in its environment? Anyway, it hopes it will have more relevant things to say once it gets past tomorrow.
7-31-11
Today was the day it moved. it was a very melancholy day for it, as it has already suggested to you it would be journal, so it will not beat a dead horse. it can’t really explain, it feels like a part of it is dying, like a huge section of its life has suddenly been silenced. it knows it is probably all just a psychological drama, made worse by the conditions; that for the first time since the end of highschool it is having to move back in with its parents, that the reason it moved out in the first place was to be with its girlfriend and go on this adventure of self discovery, and now, five years later, it is having to pack up its independence and go back to its parents sort of in defeat, having discovered and lost and rediscovered itself hundreds of times, talking-but-not-talking to the same girl except now she’s married to its best friend. it supposes the points of time and the specific events inevitably want to draw it into this very somber big picture view. it needs to remember, like it said last night in a conversation, that its not so much that anything is ending but that there is something new beginning, that we are really moving to a new stage of our journey, and this does comfort it. This was the thought that kept it afloat throughout the hard work and painful nostalgia of the day, and this was made so perfect when Mistress contacted it and expressed Her concern for the tough time it was having. When She did that, as it was driving back from dropping things off at the storage at its dad’s, tears still drying on its face, it felt its heart leap. Once it was actually out of that house and out of that emotional space, and once it was reminded of how wonderful the destiny it is heading to is, it made it realize that maybe indeed all of it happens for a purpose, that something even greater and more beautiful is being revealed to it out of broken parts. it will be difficult to have to live with its parents but…it’s not a defeat, because in its heart its not really there. it is already with Master and Mistress, and their Ownership is a fortress no army or weapon can break down.
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