Hmmm... what to post. it enjoyed spending time with Mistress yesterday,
it really looks forward to getting it's new phone battery, and... yeah.
Not much new since it's last post, it took care of bills and such,
that's about it.
Hmm... history. There's always so much to tell, but which part. It has
bit of a story time at work tonight with it's coworkers regarding a few
bits of non kink history, more growing up etc. Occasionally it is
reminded of it's childhood, but it tries very he'd not to. it's
mentioned before that it did not have a strong relationship with it's
father, but it thinks it might clarify a bit of the history there.
The first day it came home from the hospital, he told it's mother that
he didn't really want a child. And he kept that theme well throughout
it's life. Growing up, it spent nearly all of it's free time playing
with lego and adjusting the TV's rabbit-ear antennae. He was unemployed
for more of it's childhood than not, and while he had nothing to do,
there was still no fond father son time to be had. There was drinking,
and disparaging, and by the time it was a teen he was cornering it and
challenging it to physical fights.
Okay. Suddenly this whole entry sounds like so much whiny emo nonsense.
it's going to cut the subject there. it understands that it is free to
discuss things without penalty here, but it chooses not to wallow in
this. it is going to hit the sack, with something funny in the
background to get it's mind onto more pleasant subjects. Affirmations,
bed, and maybe it will remember more dreams again. That would be nice.
This is Blog for My voluntary pets(slaves) journals. This is daily record of their journey and the ups and down of daily life in their own words. Please leave comments for My pets(they do love praise) and for their Mistress any ideas or questions are encouraged! We do live a 24/7 Total Power Exchange (TPE) life.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
February 24, 2012
Hmmm... late entry, with permission. it had a fairly uneventful night... largely because it fell asleep on the couch on family day. it woke up covered in cat hair, which is super not awesomesauce. And... then it went home. it put on a shirt. it emailed Mistress. it asked if Mistress wanted it to come right away. Mistress said yes. it asked if it should journal first. Mistress said to come now. it put on some deodorant and then it came and then it came. it loves puns that aren't actually typos ^_^
it also enjoys making Mistress aroused and it enjoys pleasing Her. Hooray happy pleasing time for happy pleasingness of pleasurable pleasure times! ^_^ Pleasure. And stuff. it is a very silly pet sometimes. it is looking forward to taking care of it's bills, it hates having things hanging over it's head in that way. Also, Mistress fucked it. That was kind of amazing. it was not expecting that, but it enjoyed the experience very much, and it felt particularly honored when She informed it that She normally does not do that with men. Also, it enjoyed pleasing Her orally, did it mention that? Pleasurable pleasures of pleasurablness commonly spoken of (it assumes) in the fine and pleasurable land of pleasuretown. Yays! ^_^
Pleasure.
it also enjoys making Mistress aroused and it enjoys pleasing Her. Hooray happy pleasing time for happy pleasingness of pleasurable pleasure times! ^_^ Pleasure. And stuff. it is a very silly pet sometimes. it is looking forward to taking care of it's bills, it hates having things hanging over it's head in that way. Also, Mistress fucked it. That was kind of amazing. it was not expecting that, but it enjoyed the experience very much, and it felt particularly honored when She informed it that She normally does not do that with men. Also, it enjoyed pleasing Her orally, did it mention that? Pleasurable pleasures of pleasurablness commonly spoken of (it assumes) in the fine and pleasurable land of pleasuretown. Yays! ^_^
Pleasure.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
February 23, 2012
Not much for the day. it woke up around 7 and ran out to get a battery. Batteries in stores are expensive, so it spent about an hour and a half looking at different stores and finally ordered one online. Even with rush shipping, new battery should be here in just a couple days. ^_^ Huzzah. Not much else to say really. it will likely sleep more, it feels very sluggish lately, also very very horny but that happens when it hasn't had any release in a while, it is off to perform affirmations <3
it doesn't feel good... it feels like there is something very big missing. The feeling has just gotten very big... it thinks that it may be sad because it hasn't seen Mistress. it really misses Her, and it feels really fed up with the phone situation. it wants to feel whole, it wants to feel like it is back in it's proper place. it feels so disconnected and sad right now.
it doesn't feel good... it feels like there is something very big missing. The feeling has just gotten very big... it thinks that it may be sad because it hasn't seen Mistress. it really misses Her, and it feels really fed up with the phone situation. it wants to feel whole, it wants to feel like it is back in it's proper place. it feels so disconnected and sad right now.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
February 22, 2012
it is feeling rather exhausted. it's phone is not holding charge at all. it suspects due to battery being overdrained.
it had a long day with nearly two hours of overtime somewhat thrown in it's lap, but it will sleep well. it will dream of it's Mistress, it misses Her greatly. it will shop for a battery once it wakes ^_^ Then it can charge it's phone and communicate with Mistress much much more effectively.
it's eyes are dry and itchy, and it needs rest. it is off to get some much needed sleep, but first it's affirmations... a powerful thing. ^_^
it had a long day with nearly two hours of overtime somewhat thrown in it's lap, but it will sleep well. it will dream of it's Mistress, it misses Her greatly. it will shop for a battery once it wakes ^_^ Then it can charge it's phone and communicate with Mistress much much more effectively.
it's eyes are dry and itchy, and it needs rest. it is off to get some much needed sleep, but first it's affirmations... a powerful thing. ^_^
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
February 21, 2012
it had an alright day today. it's coworkers offered some comradely and support that made it feel better about an issue with it's supervisor yesterday. That doesn't change the frustrating situation, but... at least it feels less foolish. That aside, it is looking forward to having it's phone this afternoon. ^_^ it is REALLY looking forward to that. it saw Mistress' comment yesterday, and it is relieved that She feels the same. it understands the eagerness, particularly after having so much distance without phones. it feels much the same way and really looks forward to seeing Her.
Now... it was going to finish a story.
The ending of things in that unhealthy poly-archy... it learned about a month in, that the concept of live in submission was simply out of the question. That was a tough overarching bit of knowledge for it... Because submission is not something it feels is best enjoyed from permanent distance. The simple fact was that while the alpha appreciated it's submission and enjoyed using it... She was quite happy with her master, and had no real desire for more, in reality given the choice she would have opted for monogamy with him, but that was unrealistic given that he was currently in an open marriage... yes, an additional complication it did not mention earlier due to a surprising lack of overall relevance.
The alpha had a surprising number of moments in which she either had unrealistic expectations, or just plain went off the deep end for seemingly no reason at all -largely in part to her unhealthy primary relationship (his feelings did not match hers). On many occasions she would get so upset, so openly, and so visibly that her master would step in and tell her to cool down, often trying to teach her to control her temper. While that is a noble cause, it does not necessarily feel that a relationship should be the place to learn anger management... and it did not enjoy being the punching bag during lessons.
On one occasion, it was told to stay the weekend in their home, while they and the other sub did other things. This was already a bit of a smack to the face because it had done nothing to merit isolation (it only got to see them on weekends due to distance), they simply decided they were going to focus on the other sub, because the head of house felt that she 'needed' extra attention exclusively. The thing that it has learned, personally, and from the advice of, well, EVERYONE IT KNOWS WHO HAS MAINTAINED POLY (lol) is that jealousy is a very real thing. And everyone has it. It's an unavoidable human emotion, the trick is what we do with it; learning to communicate effectively, not to bottle it up. Kink-friendly psych experts agree that the bottled up, hidden jealousy turns into something much worse. That said, the situation admittedly made it feel a bit jealous. But, it was fine with that, as by this time it had already understood that the mechanics or the relationship were going to be lopsided towards the younger female (this was a few weeks after she had caused the birthday punishment). Anyways, it was instructed to come to the house, and given a list of chores to perform while they were away. it cleaned all the dishes, took out all the trash, dusted, did laundry, and proceeded to mow the lawn... it had never mowed a lawn before, it had never needed to. But it was determined to make the best of the situation and enjoy it's role. They called this a test to see if it enjoyed the 'service' capacity of submission. To some extent, it does, but.. this experience left a bad taste in it's mouth...
it found the lawnmower after being verbally chewed out over the phone (for not knowing where they kept their lawnmower), and quickly learned how the thing worked. it began to work at the lawn, which was literally grown past it's knees over the entire front yard. This took hours, the lawn wasn't too big, but it was working with a tiny and unreliable electrical lawnmower. it finally had the main lawn done, and moved to do the side lawn, when it hit a snag. By 'snag' it means a hidden sprinkler head. When a lawn is literally more than two feet tall (meriting several fines from the city), you really can't see these things. So, it hit the sprinkler head, took the sprinkler head clean off, and found itself basking in a freezing cold geyser that shot about 15 feet straight up, with no idea of how to remedy the problem. it panicked. it ran inside, and called the alpha for suggestions... the alpha proceeded to debase it for a good five minutes before one of the neighbors knocked on the door with tools and helped it shut the water off.
After this, the alpha changed her tune, it seemed that her master was unhappy with her response, she urged it to go inside and take a shower, as it was now covered in mud and grass. That would have been much easier to do if the water didn't need to be turned off. Afterwards, she told it to simply lock up and go home, indicating that it couldn't be trusted. it had already performed it's other tasks for the weekend, and was not welcome to dinner... again, it understands punishments as training tools, but as it turns out, the alpha had no idea where sprinkler heads were either, nor any idea how to fix the situation. Rather than keeping a cool head, or even trying to calm it down to improve the situation, she jumped straight to insults and anger. it worries when it sees overly intense or inappropriate gestures of domination because of memories like these.
On a day to day basis, it would keep communication with the alpha (as it's trainer), and often provide encouragement for her. Every now and then, there would be more important conversations handled while at work via email (it's work situation at the time allowed for this). And every now and then, there would be a disagreement, etc. On one day, it indicated that it was having some difficulty with things in the relationship, and based on a suggestion from the head of house(her master, her primary), it asked for some time to discuss these things with her face to face after work. She declined this, and insisted that it explain the matters immediately via email. it took painstaking effort to structure it's thoughts in as useful a manner as it could, to make them as helpful and as friendly as it could.
The alpha laid in. Hard. So hard that it made a point then and there to officially step outside of training. it replied and said that it needed some time to process what had been said, and what had happened. That it could not handle the conversation in it's current capacity, and that it was removing itself from the conversation. The head of house requested a copy of the communications shortly thereafter. He apologized for the incident and her behavior, ad suggested giving her some time. it waited a week, considered things, and not understanding that a D\s relationship should be much healthier and happier than this, it contacted the head of house again. He indicated that she missed it, and that she had cooled down and wanted to apologize for flying off the handle. He indicated that it should call her at a given time, and attempt to resolve things to move them forward. He told it that it was behaving wisely, and showing maturity, and told it that she had come to realize that she really did want to collar it as a personal submissive.
it called her the next day at an arranged time, it shyly began the conversation, being welcoming and giving her the opportunity to say what she needed. She told it that it made too many mistakes. She told it that it wasn't submissive. She told it that the issues it had experienced with her were entirely it's fault. Every one of them. She told it that it should make itself worthwhile before it attempts submission again. She told it that it was of no interest to her, that she was disgusted by it, and then she hung up.
it texted the head of household to inform him of the surprising results. it had barely said a few words the entire conversation with her, and it was in shock. The head of household expressed surprise and shock. He apologized and told it that he had no idea that she felt that way, and that he thought she really wanted it.
As it turns out, the head of household knew exactly what she wanted. They had spoken two days prior, and when she told him that she didn't want a submissive of her own, he came to it and built it up. He deliberately set it up to fail grandly, encouraged it, and got it's hopes up to watch it crash and burn. it learned that he later had a few chuckles about that.
The situation ending was a good thing. The way that things happened was hugely damaging to it's psyche. it left the community almost entirely for a solid year. If these were the sorts of people that the community endorsed, it wanted no part of that. it had surrendered itself for the better part of a year, and after being emotionally beaten and abused, it's limits had been violated, and it was thrown out. The head of household mentioned in these entries goes by the name of Kodiak or 'Kodiak Trainer', and is still an attendee of some events where he knows that one of the community elders(elder not to be confused with leader, this is one of the strongly respected old guard folks) won't see him... He has been told not to show up to community events, under heavy threat by them, but he still shows his face where he feels safe.
There are more incidents and stories it could provide from that time, most of which are unpleasant. it does not choose to dwell on those things, but it tries to dwell on the lessons and what positive memories it can salvage from such a period of it's life. That's just how life goes, and how it survives.
Now... it was going to finish a story.
The ending of things in that unhealthy poly-archy... it learned about a month in, that the concept of live in submission was simply out of the question. That was a tough overarching bit of knowledge for it... Because submission is not something it feels is best enjoyed from permanent distance. The simple fact was that while the alpha appreciated it's submission and enjoyed using it... She was quite happy with her master, and had no real desire for more, in reality given the choice she would have opted for monogamy with him, but that was unrealistic given that he was currently in an open marriage... yes, an additional complication it did not mention earlier due to a surprising lack of overall relevance.
The alpha had a surprising number of moments in which she either had unrealistic expectations, or just plain went off the deep end for seemingly no reason at all -largely in part to her unhealthy primary relationship (his feelings did not match hers). On many occasions she would get so upset, so openly, and so visibly that her master would step in and tell her to cool down, often trying to teach her to control her temper. While that is a noble cause, it does not necessarily feel that a relationship should be the place to learn anger management... and it did not enjoy being the punching bag during lessons.
On one occasion, it was told to stay the weekend in their home, while they and the other sub did other things. This was already a bit of a smack to the face because it had done nothing to merit isolation (it only got to see them on weekends due to distance), they simply decided they were going to focus on the other sub, because the head of house felt that she 'needed' extra attention exclusively. The thing that it has learned, personally, and from the advice of, well, EVERYONE IT KNOWS WHO HAS MAINTAINED POLY (lol) is that jealousy is a very real thing. And everyone has it. It's an unavoidable human emotion, the trick is what we do with it; learning to communicate effectively, not to bottle it up. Kink-friendly psych experts agree that the bottled up, hidden jealousy turns into something much worse. That said, the situation admittedly made it feel a bit jealous. But, it was fine with that, as by this time it had already understood that the mechanics or the relationship were going to be lopsided towards the younger female (this was a few weeks after she had caused the birthday punishment). Anyways, it was instructed to come to the house, and given a list of chores to perform while they were away. it cleaned all the dishes, took out all the trash, dusted, did laundry, and proceeded to mow the lawn... it had never mowed a lawn before, it had never needed to. But it was determined to make the best of the situation and enjoy it's role. They called this a test to see if it enjoyed the 'service' capacity of submission. To some extent, it does, but.. this experience left a bad taste in it's mouth...
it found the lawnmower after being verbally chewed out over the phone (for not knowing where they kept their lawnmower), and quickly learned how the thing worked. it began to work at the lawn, which was literally grown past it's knees over the entire front yard. This took hours, the lawn wasn't too big, but it was working with a tiny and unreliable electrical lawnmower. it finally had the main lawn done, and moved to do the side lawn, when it hit a snag. By 'snag' it means a hidden sprinkler head. When a lawn is literally more than two feet tall (meriting several fines from the city), you really can't see these things. So, it hit the sprinkler head, took the sprinkler head clean off, and found itself basking in a freezing cold geyser that shot about 15 feet straight up, with no idea of how to remedy the problem. it panicked. it ran inside, and called the alpha for suggestions... the alpha proceeded to debase it for a good five minutes before one of the neighbors knocked on the door with tools and helped it shut the water off.
After this, the alpha changed her tune, it seemed that her master was unhappy with her response, she urged it to go inside and take a shower, as it was now covered in mud and grass. That would have been much easier to do if the water didn't need to be turned off. Afterwards, she told it to simply lock up and go home, indicating that it couldn't be trusted. it had already performed it's other tasks for the weekend, and was not welcome to dinner... again, it understands punishments as training tools, but as it turns out, the alpha had no idea where sprinkler heads were either, nor any idea how to fix the situation. Rather than keeping a cool head, or even trying to calm it down to improve the situation, she jumped straight to insults and anger. it worries when it sees overly intense or inappropriate gestures of domination because of memories like these.
On a day to day basis, it would keep communication with the alpha (as it's trainer), and often provide encouragement for her. Every now and then, there would be more important conversations handled while at work via email (it's work situation at the time allowed for this). And every now and then, there would be a disagreement, etc. On one day, it indicated that it was having some difficulty with things in the relationship, and based on a suggestion from the head of house(her master, her primary), it asked for some time to discuss these things with her face to face after work. She declined this, and insisted that it explain the matters immediately via email. it took painstaking effort to structure it's thoughts in as useful a manner as it could, to make them as helpful and as friendly as it could.
The alpha laid in. Hard. So hard that it made a point then and there to officially step outside of training. it replied and said that it needed some time to process what had been said, and what had happened. That it could not handle the conversation in it's current capacity, and that it was removing itself from the conversation. The head of house requested a copy of the communications shortly thereafter. He apologized for the incident and her behavior, ad suggested giving her some time. it waited a week, considered things, and not understanding that a D\s relationship should be much healthier and happier than this, it contacted the head of house again. He indicated that she missed it, and that she had cooled down and wanted to apologize for flying off the handle. He indicated that it should call her at a given time, and attempt to resolve things to move them forward. He told it that it was behaving wisely, and showing maturity, and told it that she had come to realize that she really did want to collar it as a personal submissive.
it called her the next day at an arranged time, it shyly began the conversation, being welcoming and giving her the opportunity to say what she needed. She told it that it made too many mistakes. She told it that it wasn't submissive. She told it that the issues it had experienced with her were entirely it's fault. Every one of them. She told it that it should make itself worthwhile before it attempts submission again. She told it that it was of no interest to her, that she was disgusted by it, and then she hung up.
it texted the head of household to inform him of the surprising results. it had barely said a few words the entire conversation with her, and it was in shock. The head of household expressed surprise and shock. He apologized and told it that he had no idea that she felt that way, and that he thought she really wanted it.
As it turns out, the head of household knew exactly what she wanted. They had spoken two days prior, and when she told him that she didn't want a submissive of her own, he came to it and built it up. He deliberately set it up to fail grandly, encouraged it, and got it's hopes up to watch it crash and burn. it learned that he later had a few chuckles about that.
The situation ending was a good thing. The way that things happened was hugely damaging to it's psyche. it left the community almost entirely for a solid year. If these were the sorts of people that the community endorsed, it wanted no part of that. it had surrendered itself for the better part of a year, and after being emotionally beaten and abused, it's limits had been violated, and it was thrown out. The head of household mentioned in these entries goes by the name of Kodiak or 'Kodiak Trainer', and is still an attendee of some events where he knows that one of the community elders(elder not to be confused with leader, this is one of the strongly respected old guard folks) won't see him... He has been told not to show up to community events, under heavy threat by them, but he still shows his face where he feels safe.
There are more incidents and stories it could provide from that time, most of which are unpleasant. it does not choose to dwell on those things, but it tries to dwell on the lessons and what positive memories it can salvage from such a period of it's life. That's just how life goes, and how it survives.
Monday, February 20, 2012
February 20, 2012
it writes this entry in concern... it is becoming very submissive, but it is not yet property, it is not yet an owned slave... even though it's heart says otherwise. it fights a constant battle between it's head and it's heart, because it's heart has taken it too some bad places by moving too quickly and trusting too much. it worries about this a LOT, and it wants to move forward, but it wants to do so with care and caution. this one views ownership with a hefty significance -especially as a slave, rather than a submissive. In it's mind and it's heart, ownership is forever. Period. Ownership is whether happy or sad, angry or smitten. Ownership is complete control, unquestioned. If it submits to ownership as a slave, it will register, it will bear any marks and symbols Mistress desires, in a situation such as this it would consider it's limits non applicable and the only reason it might call a safeword is if it was to *Mistress'* benefit. it knows that the contract states it still has more freedom than that, and that it is allowed safewords, and limits, but this is not it's view of an owned collared submissive. This is simply how it feels about such a chosen lifestyle -all or nothing, and all is the most amazing experience to be found -period. That said, it feels very strongly about approaching the situation with care and caution. If it prescribes to being an owned slave, it will bear that mark forever, on it's body, round it's neck, and in it's heart. Unless Mistress passes or disowns it, it would never leave that place -property is property and it is simply happy to be such. Working towards that takes great care, great trust, and time. it wants to work towards that, but it wants to work towards that in steps, carefully. The thought of rushing, of giving too much too fast, of urging itself or sacrificing everything foolishly is terrifying. So much so that it is nightmare inducing. it has had to rebuild, more than once. And yes, from scratch. it does not feel it has the strength to do so again... it simply does not posses that anymore.
That said, it will be getting it's phone back tomorrow. And it wishes to communicate better at that point. Right now, it wants to have respect and understanding established before ownership. While it understands that Mistress probably worries She may be losing it, and misses it, it has had NO intention of leaving Her. But it needs to see respect outside of ownership before it agrees to ownership. In this place, and in Her presence, it will be an obedient submissive, and a loving boyfriend, it will treat Her with utmost respect and it will do it's best to please Her. it will sleep in bondage on the floor, it will undress at the door, it will kneel, it will maintain chastity as She instructs, it will speak when spoken to, it will ALWAYS refer to Her with capitilization as it agrees to this context and utmost symbol, She will always be Mistress unless she designates another title for any designated period of time. In Her presence it may as well be an extension of Her. it hopes that she understands that it needs to approach full time with caution. And it hopes that she will understand it needs to maintain it's identity until it has agreed to full time. it was concerned and honestly scared by the demand for it this Wednesday.... it is not yet owned, and things like this freak it out because they remind it of unreasonable expectations in the past. it would like to see Her this week, possibly even sooner than wednesday, once it has a phone to comunicate and coordinate. it respectfully asks that it's perspective be understood until it signs for full time ownership. it believes this is a beautiful path, but it feels a need to be careful and slow to ensure a lifelong status. The thought of celebrating twenty, thirty, or more years in ownership is greatly pleasing, but that requires a solid foundation. That foundation is worth working hard on.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
February 19, 2012
it had a long day at work, their was a system outage, which results in numerous customers calling in to be informed that it cannot help them. Most reps don't care... it did not get so involved in this career path to tell people it is useless to them. >.<
Aside from that, it has many thoughts swirling around about it's submission and ownership. it is not sure how to express them all though. it is concerned about whether it is truly capable of bending to the absolute will of Mistress... it fears that once living under Her roof, it may need to flat out volunteer harsher methods of control initially so as to get into the proper mindset fully... it is still so much in a headset that it needs to fend for itself, needs to think for itself, and needs to constantly think and plan ahead sometimes months in advance... if it is Mistress' slave, Her plaything, Her pet, Her toy, Her sex slave, Her property, Her possession... okay... perhaps it is going on with this list because the possessive titles all make it warm and fuzzy... where was it? Hmm. Any-who, it does have some concerns about it's ability to let go, it also worries about heavy sm... it has quite a tolerance for beatings, and it worries about the balance of play vs submission. This is a hard concern for it to express, it will try to explain better... it wishes, as it has in the past, that it was less experienced than it is. it worries that it's exposure to some very extreme forms of S&M may make it too much to handle, it fears that it may inevitably be unhappy if it cannot continue at least occasionally partaking in these things... it is particularly concerned about knife play, this was the first heavy play that it came to appreciate rather thoroughly. Thoughts like this scare it, and it worries about whether it will be worth Mistress' trouble once it is recovered, Mistress is kind, Mistress is patient, Mistress is caring, and Mistress is genuine. it really hopes to be worth Mistress' while, but it has had too much time to be inside it's own head tonight, questioning itself left and right, and well.... these things are difficult for it. it doesn't intend to freak Mistress out, nor does this mean it is fleeing or disappearing by ANY means, it promises Mistress to remain communicative, and to be honest about it's genuine interest in being Her lucky pet ^_^
As for questions, it hasn't been checking it's email much, it has been focusing it's free time on taking the antibiotics, and sleeping pills. it's life is basically work and sleep at the moment, which is admittedly not a happy life to sustain. it does not recall any questions other than when it is getting another phone. In that regard, it has confirmed that it's phone has been located, it plans to make a trip to recover it's phone once it is off it's meds and no longer contagious.
it has taken it's sleep pills and meds, and it is off to complete it's affirmations then get to bed. it believes it is falling for Mistress further and further each day, the affirmations continue it's progress into a consistent submissive state, and it while it has an apprehensive nature, it is determined to let Mistress in so that She might better find the reigns at her fingertips.
in submission, happy and lucky submission, Her pet.
Aside from that, it has many thoughts swirling around about it's submission and ownership. it is not sure how to express them all though. it is concerned about whether it is truly capable of bending to the absolute will of Mistress... it fears that once living under Her roof, it may need to flat out volunteer harsher methods of control initially so as to get into the proper mindset fully... it is still so much in a headset that it needs to fend for itself, needs to think for itself, and needs to constantly think and plan ahead sometimes months in advance... if it is Mistress' slave, Her plaything, Her pet, Her toy, Her sex slave, Her property, Her possession... okay... perhaps it is going on with this list because the possessive titles all make it warm and fuzzy... where was it? Hmm. Any-who, it does have some concerns about it's ability to let go, it also worries about heavy sm... it has quite a tolerance for beatings, and it worries about the balance of play vs submission. This is a hard concern for it to express, it will try to explain better... it wishes, as it has in the past, that it was less experienced than it is. it worries that it's exposure to some very extreme forms of S&M may make it too much to handle, it fears that it may inevitably be unhappy if it cannot continue at least occasionally partaking in these things... it is particularly concerned about knife play, this was the first heavy play that it came to appreciate rather thoroughly. Thoughts like this scare it, and it worries about whether it will be worth Mistress' trouble once it is recovered, Mistress is kind, Mistress is patient, Mistress is caring, and Mistress is genuine. it really hopes to be worth Mistress' while, but it has had too much time to be inside it's own head tonight, questioning itself left and right, and well.... these things are difficult for it. it doesn't intend to freak Mistress out, nor does this mean it is fleeing or disappearing by ANY means, it promises Mistress to remain communicative, and to be honest about it's genuine interest in being Her lucky pet ^_^
As for questions, it hasn't been checking it's email much, it has been focusing it's free time on taking the antibiotics, and sleeping pills. it's life is basically work and sleep at the moment, which is admittedly not a happy life to sustain. it does not recall any questions other than when it is getting another phone. In that regard, it has confirmed that it's phone has been located, it plans to make a trip to recover it's phone once it is off it's meds and no longer contagious.
it has taken it's sleep pills and meds, and it is off to complete it's affirmations then get to bed. it believes it is falling for Mistress further and further each day, the affirmations continue it's progress into a consistent submissive state, and it while it has an apprehensive nature, it is determined to let Mistress in so that She might better find the reigns at her fingertips.
in submission, happy and lucky submission, Her pet.
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