Monday, September 5, 2011

Kajira 8/29/11-9/4/11

08/29/2011
This one did not get much sleep, Mistress was woken up by Master all evening, which in turn woke this one up many times, and it got so very hot it had trouble sleeping. Then when it woke up it got the dishes done and that was a task on its own especially with so many dishes that were not rinsed so it had to do LOTS of scrubbing. Then later it had to go to work and it started out “okay” but it felt a massive need to be around its Master and Mistress and it felt like a worthless soul without Them. It even tripped and fell down a couple stairs and while it did its public collar fell off, it did not care if it sustained any injuries. This one ran straight to the collar and picked it up... something on the inside broke and it thought about the feeling if Master or Mistress ever release Their collar from it.... it did not know what to so it broke down crying a little wishing it was at home in its proper place... This one spoke to Mistress in a quite a lot of the situation and She figured out a way to fix this problem. She gave it a tag to wear on its keychain and to always look at the tag anytime it feels alone from Them. This one has been given the task to remember this tag word for word while it works and also that alone should fix some if not most of all the problems it deals with everyday there. Sadly this one would LOVE to write more but its eyes keep trying to shut themselves, and it keeps nodding off without even thinking about it. This one does though hope for a long journal tomorrow.


08/30/2011
This one woke up very, very well rested and straightened up the house and did its normal tasks until it was done then played a few rounds of league of legends before it went off to work... At work it used the tag that was given to it and it remembered multiple ways of the words and it helped this one sooo very very much at work... its so happy to have found a way to make work not so hellish... This one is so happy to be finished with work for a couple of days so it can serve Master and Mistress happily, it has Missed Them so much the last few days, it needs Them to thrive... This one could not figure out much else to say so it thought it would write about what it went over in its head a few hours earlier... it went back and remembered its life as a pet... when it was about 2005 and it was 14 years old it found a game called SL (second life) and it learned what being a pet was to a dominate... it was taught many things the proper words and how to use them and many many more things, it saw that this is something important to it and it search up and down for a dominate, it found someone named Darian (the man that tried to take it back when he found out this one was a pet again.) he was so nice and kind and gave this one what it needed at the time online and even made it vow that no matter what happens no one owns this one fully until it receives a collaring ceremony... but sadly over time he got really distracted with other things and he ignored this one and it begged and pleaded him almost on a daily basis for some kind of attention, punishment, anything it could be anything even a hello and a sorry that ive been busy but no... he did not give this one a single light of day so it cried its eyes out and his boyfriend took this one in as he broke up with him... what a mistake... he was sweet and treated this one like a pet as well but he used this one for his own gain without a single care to this one... he had another boyfriend he was getting together with and he constantly asked this one to give him money for his pay as you go phone, so he could talk to this one and him but sadly he never talked to this one but once a week (500 dollars gone,)  and later on when he told his boyfriend he had a pet his boyfriend did not agree so without another thought he dropped this one like a bag of bricks... it was destroyed it thought no one could ever love it and let it love back while serving them happily like that again... it even tried a Gorean lifestyle for a little while on SL it learned so much of the ways as a kajira there, its mindset even changed quite strongly and it knew it needed something like this in real life... but it got afraid... it was far too terrified to really seek that out... that is when it found its first real boyfriend and it purged itself of everything D/s... at first... This one went through high school dealing with being a transgender and with having a boyfriend that was across the country... so when it graduated it decided to move in with him... it drove all the way across America to North Carolina.... it started out great but it missed having a owner so badly... so very, very badly... it started to go back onto SL and it found a harem that belonged to a wonderful woman that it became a part of, it was very nice, it even got to the point of being a alpha pet which was nice until one day she was gone her account deleted with out any warning... it panicked and found a friend of hers that knew her in real life, apparently she had a massive mental breakdown and left SL but she left a message with him to give to her pets that she loved and cared for all of us so much but right now she had to deal with real life and that she was so very sorry. He then told this one that she had a extra message for it and told it that she loved this one so much, it was so devoted and such a good obedient pet to her and hopes that this one will find another owner soon... well sadly it did not it was so afraid to upset its boyfriend so it didn't do anything for so very long a couple months later it broke and searched for another online Dominate it found a few hypnodoms and a few randoms that took it in and had it dress up for them and do things on web cam... it is ashamed about the things it did but it needed desperately to serve someone... After a few more months it broke down and talked to its boyfriend, he understood and tried to do it for this one but sadly he was a submissive as well and could not quite do it... After a little while longer it broke up with him since the relationship felt more like a father and daughter then two people that loved each other dearly as partners, it moved back to California and tried college and keep a hypnodom at the same time, he did so many wonderful things to this ones little brain and it loves serving under hypnosis so much its such a amazing feeling but sadly it felt alone in real life especially with being alone in a dorm so when college did not work out because of its depression it was falling deeper and deeper into it was offered to stay in a apartment with a friend, it worked out alright at first but it quickly went down the drain when it started to date its roommate and he was really really against any D/s relationship because of his past... seventeen years as a slave and once it was over he realized the horrors of what he was in... sadly that did nothing but fuel its need to dominance and control... it made mistakes here and there and put itself into debt, and the relationship was falling apart and even with its $13.50 an hour job it could not afford to live there. This one searched for anything to fix it so it searched desperately for anyone to dominate it... it found someone online that was really controling and dominate at first but... then he demanded it to call in a prostitute so it would have sex with her on its webcam... at work.... it could not obey and He... released this one angerly.... This one felt like it should of just obeyed but it was worried about so many things and thats when it found its last Master... Master Soma... He was a wonderful man that this one still looks up to. He is a Master in real life as well as SL and he helped this one though so much of its depression, it was able to serve Him so very happily... He even had a tighter, stricter leash with this one then its Mistress and Master even, it kind of wishes They were a bit stricter and held a much tighter leash with it but its happy where its at... Sadly he lived in Paris and his online other pet lived in Germany so it rarely saw them both online...  it discussed with Them how much it felt it needed a real life D/s relationship it needed to serve someone so very very badly in real life.... that is when it decided to check its old websites... including collarme.... it put a ad there quite long ago and it filtered through hundreds of messages until it found Master Fred and Mistress Kristen... Ever since it ment Them it has been so very, very happy. its life has been getting better and better every day, it may have to work on the side for Them but maybe in the future it can serve Them completely and totally in the house so it does not have to work, but it happily understands that it needs to for Them... This one is so happy to be in its proper place finally in its life... it will never look back again. Thank You Master and Mistress.


08/31/2011
This one loves its Master and Mistress so very, very much.... it wants nothing out of this world anymore... it doesn't want money... it doesn't want a career... all it cares about is Their happiness... its wonderful Master and Mistress... it sheds a few tears as it gives up its life as a free person ever again... it lets go of those thoughts and abilities in its brain, it won't hold on to them anymore... it must make the proper room for Master and Mistress's will, happiness, and devotion to Them. Anything they say it should do or will do it will, without hesitation... if Mistress told it anything it would obey without thought. This one has willingly... and completely given itself to Them... it knows it has mentioned this before in a different way but, no... this is different much different.. something in its head clicked awhile ago and that click was that nothing it “had” was its anymore, everything belongs to Them its mind heart body soul and spirit is Theirs. One thing that They did not have and are so close to completely having is its free will... it knows if it tried... really hard... it could disobey... much like when Mistress told it to beg for Master to read its journal and it simply asked Him... it has to obey but it has found that it still has the ability to slide by things, not completely but partially... it knows that this ability is quickly fading and the only thing its mind is holding onto was the vow it made to a Master long ago... that it does not belong to ANYONE fully and completely until They give it a pride and true collaring ceremony... not only was this vow accepted willingly but it has DEEPLY attached to this one mentally through hypnosis... Surprisingly enough though... this Master and especially Mistress have been able to chip at this last remaining wall without the collaring ceremony... sadly its mind reflexes and tries to rebuild that wall without its willing choice... because it has not gained the collaring of Them. No Master has EVER been able to even scratch this mental wall before and They are chipping at it... This one finds that daily it feels more and more attached to Their will and happiness completely and totally... This one is still frightened about it all though... its so scary to feel its mind being torn apart and given to Them.... This one cried one night without Their knowledge a little while ago, those tears were coming from that special secret place from behind that wall... There is a beautiful little dragoness in that room, waiting for someone to take care of it and protect it, and it hears the walls it called “safety” being chipped at daily, it cries and is terrified that it will be hurt... that its everything will be taken away forcefully... The thing that makes this all weird though is that she wants her everything to be taken away from her, to be cared for and protected completely and in return everything is Theirs, including its soul and will... she only hopes that this was the right choice and that soon she will be able to willingly unlock the hidden door with the key that only she, not this one, has and outstretch her arms, expose her neck and accept the collar that she and this one who are one will wear forever... This one feels so happy curled up in its pet bed writing this journal, looking over to Them whom are sleeping, smiling as a tear drops from its eye as another brick of this wall falls and that little dragon shudders in fear as the wall comes one less brick closer to being broken through... This one worries that if it finds itself FULLY lost of its free will and control that it will break the vow to its old Master... This one does not wish to rush Mistress and Master to collar this one, as They determine when it is ready, and when it will receive it... it just worries... because when it memorized those lines about 20 or so bricks fell from that wall... Those words and memorization really affected its mind so deeply, and it now looks back at the mistake it made earlier and has no idea why it would... no,... could do such a thing like ask Master when it was TOLD to beg... One last thing it noticed.... it noticed that it started to wake up every morning with its pillow in its arms instead of under its head... it thinks it misses sleeping near someone and... wow its crying thinking about this... so suddenly... jezz... its a emotional pet.... but back on to what it was saying... it thinks it misses sleeping near or with someone by its side, it does feel alone when there is no one it can show loving affection to and possibly sleep with, it really hurts but it understands and accepts that it will have to live with this and deal with it as it is not to have any relationship.... maybe though... maybe if it and its sister “click” really well together as Master and Mistress's slaves that They would allow us, even if it was just a rare occasion, to sleep together or cuddle or something... it really misses being close to someone like that, and the closest it has been able to getting that happened today.... When Mistress allowed it to be at Her feet nuzzling Her leg as She pet its head... it was total bliss and it hopes She did not notice but it shed a couple tears in those moments, as in all honesty things like that and being close to another is more pleasurable for this one than sex itself... Though when Master and Mistress used it today whilst it was tied up and blindfolded... was death defining  (hmm cant find the proper spelling there.... oh well...) amazing, but as it said before it really misses the close bond it had every night with someone, so when the time comes and its sister and this one are comfortable with each other... it will probably bed to sleep and/ or cuddle with its sister if not every night then maybe on rare occasions when both of us have been good little pets to Their Owners.


09/01/2011
First of September what a interesting month, Mistress's birthday is on the 23rd ..... it better do something super special for Her.... hmm it has a idea but won't tell Her hehehehehe ( ebil smirks ) So yah slept alright and it played some lol and got the things done it needed to get done and it deposited its first check from work down here which was nice. Later in the evening Mistress showed this one how to make AMAZING nachos involving doritos! Silly it knows but no they were soooo good... want moarr........ but... tummy all stuffied..... T.=.T dwaggie pet all sad now... but then Mistress played Karaoke and forced this one to play with Her... this one hates karaoke because well... its voice sucks and it can't sing.... its SOOO self conscious of its voice and it hates using things like that to sing... if its going to sing it rather sing a song freely... it doesn't think its THHAATTT horrible but the gorram video game tends to prove it otherwise... its a terrible singer and really hated doing that so much.... it felt like one of the worst punishments it ever had... it almost cried literally... it hates singing.... its voice is so awful. This one is really hating that it has to go back to work tomorrow... it really wishes it could work less or not at all but it knows it needs to for Master and Mistress... maybe when it gets its transfer the work wont be so bad. Oh well ones gotta hope...

09/02/2011
This one had a great day today, the entire day it thought about its service to Master and Mistress and Mistress even read its previous entries a little early. Everything has been so great and it has been such a good girl, it even later when it got home from work was given the biggest privilege it has ever been given before, it was given a chance to sleep with Master and Mistress in THEIR bed with Them... it was so surprised and shocked and it has no idea how long this will last but it was so nice except... Mistress gave it permission to cuddle but just as it started it hesitated, it was too terrified to even do anything past a few small pecks, rubs and scratching. This one was so worried of doing too much and it got so worried that it would disturb Their sleeping or space so it slept on the side, then it started “cuddling” with Mistress and then it past out but somewhere it turned back over to the side.. oh well maybe it will be given another chance to do better...


09/03/2011
This one messed up so bad... so very badly today... it was such a good girl in every way but then because it was out of “sub mode” for so long it made a horrendous mistake... This one ordered food for work because it forgot to grab something and it barely ate today, it ordered food without asking! This one feels SO BAD.... it has NO IDEA why it messed up so badly, why couldn't it just text Mistress/ Master and ask Them? They might of said yes and even if They said no its because They always know better, and it probably could of ate once it got home.... There is always a reason for everything... Mistress needs to keep track of the money it makes and not only that but the money it makes belongs to Her... and basically it just STOLE money from Mistress by doing this today... This one felt so miserable all of the evening after Mistress reminded it what it did wrong.... EVERY SINGLE patrol it made for the whole evening was ridden with tears and sorrow because of this terrible Mistake... This one has failed its wonderful Master and Mistress and the crazy painful punishment it received only helped to make sure it NEVER does that or disobey in anyway shape or form ever again.... This one can go on forever about how awful and terrible it feels... how badly it has disobeyed Them... and knows nothing it can do can fix what it did wrong other than just don't do it again... This one was being so good and now it worries that it has shown disloyalty to Master and Mistress which in this ones eyes is not true at all... and Master and Mistress are probably going to delay its collaring ceremony because its not worthy of Their collar... especially after this... This one tears up a lot just writing that last statement because it wants nothing more than to be a good obedient pet and to deserve Their collar. Mistress, Master... This one would do anything to prove to You both that it is completely and 200% devoted to You and its mortified of the mistake that it made Master and Mistress.


09/04/2011
Today things went really well, it still feels horrible for the mistake last night and work went by really quickly and it was given a chance to shave Mistress's legs which this one was worried at first but it seems to have done a good job. During work it talked tons with its old Ex Sir Justin, and ori and zephy for most of the evening. Then Mistress must of read its post on TSR (the slave registry) because She messaged this one at work calling it a VERY VERY VERY GOOD Girl and that made this one have a little orgasm in-front of its co-workers when it read it and it was mortified but managed to get away with the excuse, “a big cold shiver.” This ones ex Sir Justin and Mistress even talked for a bit and things seemed to go really well... really hope that They get along ^.=.^ Really hope to talk to Them together more often it was really fun so far...

Destiny 8/29/11-9/4/11

8-29-11 Journal, today after it submitted its journal to Master and Mistress, Mistress sent it its new position to practice ‘stool,’ which is another position it is very much looking forward to practicing. After reading its journal Mistress also clarified to it the purpose of the ‘parade rest’ posture, that it will be used for states of ‘idle readiness’ so to speak. it recalls sister mentioning how often she found herself instinctively assuming this posture, and so it imagines it itself will soon become very familiar with this position. it wonders if there is a kneeling posture that communicates the same intent? The aesthetics of the position strike it as odd, almost too assertive, but again it thinks this perception of its may be due to its rapidly growing preference to always be on the floor, and not standing or at least with its head lowered in the presence of dominant people, proceeding from it feeling this way toward Master and Mistress (obviously it doesn’t feel the same way when in a non-safe/adversarial setting, strangely being more that way privately makes it more confident and assertive when out in public, but anyway..) So anyway journal, it is looking forward to these next few days off work to recharge and reflect on some of the interactions with and thoughts about Master and Mistress it’s had these past several days.

8-30-11
Hello Journal, it has a few things of interest to mention today. it has begun practicing the new ‘stool’ position with its affirmation, and is starting to get its feel for it. it also texted briefly with sister kajira, Mistress had suggested to it that she was feeling down about having to serve Master and Mistress by working outside, and so it tried to check on her. it has actually made it sort of feel bad and become a little self-aware by seeing how affected sister is by this, since it has sort of the exact opposite situation, it draws comfort at work from knowing that it is doing it for Master and Mistress because that work itself is what is getting it closer to Master and Mistress on a practical level, whereas poor sister is already with Master and Mistress but must serve Them in so indirect a way. it knows it was shocked to hear the difficulty of her schedule especially considering the way it aligns with Master and Mistress,’ it really hopes it will be able to contribute in a way when it arrives that Master and Mistress will be able to develop a more comfortable schedule for her and us. But it is also glad both that it will soon be fixed on a practical level and also that Master and Mistress have devised so great a way to help sister deal with it, by writing down the text from our collars on a paper that sister can keep with her throughout the day to remind her of Master and Mistress.  it thinks this is brilliant, this is literally the next best thing to actually having Master and Mistress’ collar on one’s neck for a reminder that is possible, and so it knows how very special it must be to sister. it makes it think of both the way it feels when it is in trouble or anxious or afraid and, back when it was more actively into magick, touch or concentrate energy in its lament pendant, and now about its desire to have on even its own current training collar, or even imagining and really feeling it there in similar times when the physical one isn’t actually around its neck, the tremendous sense of belonging and purpose, meaning and possession-hood. it may be getting slightly off topic here journal, but it actually strikes it as both a little bit funny and strikingly beautiful, the layers of symbolism, that a paper with the text from our collars is a symbol to remind us of our collar, that the collar itself is a symbol to remind us to the oath of possession-hood written on it, that the oath itself is a symbol of the dynamic of our relationship with, service and belonging to Master and Mistress, and even that that itself is, after a fashion, a symbol of the underlying abstract and transcendent union between Us/us that is merely facilitated by all these symbols.

8-31-11
Journal, it is writing in you today just before its affirmation, as it wishes to record some thoughts that occur to it contemplating the new position Master and Mistress have given it to practice before its affirmation, ‘stool.’ Journal, it has remarked to you many times about how remarkable it is that things that it had originally thought it would find no interest in, or difficult, or even objectionable have been shown by Master and Mistress to it to be in many cases wonderful, desireable or even a part of it. Back at the beginning of its service it seems to recall Mistress mentioning to it about how it should expect to be used as a stool, and this is also in its rules. While it never found anything objectionable about this practice, it had known for some time that this was a fairly usual D/s (it supposes also a little S/M) practice, but it just seemed so uninteresting, or that no one would ever actually want to engage in it, even from either perspective. Which was why it was surprised finding itself very much anticipating and desiring being able to serve Master and Mistress this way. it remembers a description sister gave of serving as Mistress’ footrest, and how excited it made it,  and performing this position has made it look forward to doing so even more. While it can’t speak from experience, it actually thinks it kind of neat the way it seems like it would actually be extremely pleasant, at least as it imagines. While obviously if being sat on the physical aspect is much more intense and also actually extremely intimate and humiliating (in the good sense) so it can see very easily the interest in that, but the amount of contact is much less when serving as a footrest for example, so it is less about the physical contact and more about the psychological play which, again it imagines, is similar to the psychologically pleasurable side of bondage, apart from the physical side, being immobilized and detained in a completely mentally un-stimulating position for an indeterminate amount of time purely for the pleasure of Master or Mistress, is itself extremely pleasurable. it wishes it could put its finger on it…it is almost as though the sublimity of this act is in the way it enables the slave to offer up even its boredom and idleness to its ownership and service to Master and Mistress, which makes it not idleness but blessed service and not boring but drawing its attention to They to Whom it attends, which means even in being inactive it is able to give itself to its Master and Mistress, which the most basic need of a slave. So journal it will now with relish practice this stool position and perform its affirmation, having worked itself quite into a tizzy discussing these thoughts with you, haha.

9-1-11
Journal, it comes to you considerably more down than it was when last we spoke. For one thing, it does not know if its entries in you have been lost, at least up to the ones which are already saved by having been given to Master and Mistress, since it has lost all its computer’s data. For another thing, it was very upset at itself that it had planned its day so poorly yesterday that it was doing its affirmation just before it had to go to its best friend’s going away party and so it did not get to talk to Master and Mistress and sister very long, it wishes it had just planned the times better, but it is hard to know on what days Master and Mistress will be free to chat with it and such. Honestly it looks forward to the time when it won’t have to figure out its own schedule at all, it will be such an incredible relief. In general it has no problem doing things and nothing but problems figuring out what its supposed to do….and thus its a perfect fit with Master and Mistress :) . For a third thing it had an awful time at said party. it felt really out of place, it was kind of separate from everyone else and no one really wanted to talk to it. There was a moment when we had just started hanging out and enjoying ourselves and everyone was really excited and happy that it almost forgot itself, and then all at once it got that horrible feeling where you suddenly become totally self aware of yourself, because it realized that part of why it felt so comfortable and like it was expressing itself was that it had kind of randomly sat out on the floor in the room’s middle, while everyone else was sitting and it had to look up at them, and it thought to itself ‘yeah this probably looks strange i should probably go sit in a chair…’. it guesses what its getting at is like it really felt like it was in a different world from everyone else, and worse that none of us were in the world we were trying to hearken back to but all far along our roads in separate directions. it made it yearn for a future where it can be where it belongs. it is looking forward to talking to Master and Mistress and sister soon, since we haven’t gotten to talk this week, and all of these things make it feel so distant from Them.

9-2-11
Journal, it has little to report to you today. it worked all day, it performed its affirmation early in the morning and again enjoyed practicing the stool position, and also, during the day, it had a short conversation with Mistress where we talked about its work and saving up for the trip, which it is confident, even with a few loose ends to tie up, it will have more than enough money for with time to spare before it has to stop working. Journal, it wishes it had some more witty comments, banter, or even a small pearl of a clever observation, but unfortunately it cannot think of any significant revelation that it has had today regarding its service to Master and Mistress that it has not already shared with you -- except perhaps to note that it does continually seem to experience all those aspects it previously mentioned, such as the joy it gets from working when it thinks about it being from Master and Mistress, thinking about Them to calm itself, etc. aren’t at all phases but are continually present sources of strength for it, which it is so grateful to Master and Mistress for.

9-3-11
Journal, it is so glad that it will hopefully get to talk to Master and Mistress tomorrow. it misses Them very much, it feels so guilty and almost angry at itself, it is upset because it is apart from Master and Mistress and yet is so because of the fault of its own schedule, but which it must comfort itself in by assuring itself it is for Master and Mistress, and so it is a kind of a catch-22, or maybe a hedgehog’s dillema, and whats worse is it is sure it is appearing to be a flaky slave to Master and Mistress by not being available to talk when They would like, which, even if it is just a figment of its paranoically insecure imagination, makes it feel worse and yearn more for more contact with Master and Mistress. However, as Master and Mistress and even sister always remind it whenever we talk, and how it focuses on itself, very little time remains before it will at last be able to be with Master and Mistress, and indeed at this point the only thing holding it back is a process which it is really only carrying out for itself. it has even thought that if it finds out that the name change, which is the only reason it is still waiting here, will take even longer than expected, as it is seeming to take quite a while now, it may just try to go about it another way in the future and just ask Master and Mistress if it may come and be with Them early…the waiting is really starting to get to it journal, it has to start living this for real, it so hard to maintain it under these difficult circumstances. On the plus side, journal, it believes it has found a way to save your three fellow entries from earlier this week, and so will now put you to sleep as the computer draws them from the ether.

9-4-11
Journal, it is writing in you now very late at night. Mistress has instructed it to send in its journal tonight, and so it was waiting for the computer to finish trying to resurrect the old files to be able to edit a new file and also hopefully join you with your old entries. Unfortunately, the overall recovery didn’t take (it will try again tomorrow) but since it knew the location the file was stored it was able to successfully recover just that part and get those entries back. it will now send you along with the images of the positions to Master and Mistress, as it seems ‘stool’ was the last one since it was sent again ‘attention’ and so it will start practicing them all in sequence, although it may have been an error and there is actually one more position for it to learn, regardless it is happy and feels accomplished that it has learned so many positions. Also, it was very glad that it was able to recover its journal entries, the thought of losing them and having to go back and trying to remember what it wrote was very unpleasant. it has thought that now that it and its sisters entries are online it might be more secure to post them directly there, or at least it should find a way to back up its files more effectively. Anyway, today it had a Skype call with Master and Mistress and sister which it very much enjoyed. For one thing, it has been chastised on that point and will make an effort to refer to kajira more informally. it realizes, as Mistress told it, that it sounds rather ridiculous to constantly refer to her as ‘sister’ but it supposes it is a way of redirecting one’s words when one is in the habit of constantly saying ‘Mistress’ or ‘Master’ in sentences as a way of affirming its own relationship with Them, but, like it said, it realizes it probably sounded kind of silly…and in a way that, because of the implicit power relationship, even the same statements but directed to Master and Mistress do not. it also really enjoyed just catching up and getting to hear everyone's voices…it does feel so distant now, especially when it hears how nicely things are going there, it was a little upset after the call because it felt a little helpless, it wanted to badly to talk to Master and Mistress because it felt so disconnected from Them, and while it loves our conversation it also reminded it how emphatically not there it is, and so it felt trapped because it didn’t know how to calm itself of its need for Master and Mistress’ presence. it was down further because it saw its friends for the last time before they leave and will miss them more than anything else back here, and then it couldn’t fulfill Mistress’ request because its computer was still fixing itself, so it got lost in one of those kind of dark reveries, feeling like so much has changed and so much has been lost and feeling itself all alone and confused…it got really bad but when it did it was able to comfort itself, thinking about Master and Mistress, wanting to be close to Them and overcoming the pain of its distance from Them by at last being able to remember that there are some bonds that exist outside the circles of space and time.