Kajira 8/8/2011 - 8/14/2011

08/08/2011
Today was a special day for it. This one got to go out for a job interview which was very nice all of the employees there were amazing nice and so considerate. This one cannot wait until it gets its job so it can work for Master and Mistress outside of the house occasionally. This one loves Them both so very very much and is such a happy slave. This one also got a lot of free time today which was super nice, as it got to make a new friend and talk to its friends who were now pretty supportive of it, other than its roommate which called it and harassed the hell out of it. This one thinks it may not speak with him much anymore. Back to the free time though, it was really fun but when Mistress returned home it wanted nothing but to rub Her feet or serve Her in someway, its not saying that it does not like free time, because well it loves the free time but it also loves and lives to serve Mistress and Master, it has grown very quickly to enjoy the life it now has, it never wishes to leave Them. They mean the world to it now.

08/09/2011
Today Mistress woke it up before She left for work telling it, it had a little task to do whilst She was away, it then went back to sleep for a little while until Master woke up and got on His computer. This one then got started and looked at everything and decided to do a little extra. This one decided to organize everything by type and alphabetically, it was so happy to do this for Master and Mistress for it saves Them time and organizes things a lot better so things are easy to find, this one loves making things easier for its Master and Mistress. This one finished the work and decided it had lots of free time so why not use it for Master and Mistress? This one then scrubbed all the walls, floors, shelves, stove, stove burners, and the refrigerator. This one told Mistress and She was very, very impressed, She gave it lots of praise. This one would do anything for that Praise and will strive to get that praise everyday. That praise makes this ones day a wonderful day. This one later got to play LoL with Mistress and Master which was tons of fun, it looks forward to playing more with Them and helping Them become amazing players one day. The last thing was it got to make hamburgers for Master and Mistress which tasted pretty good and it was so very surprised at how fast its stomach got full, it is so happy to have a smaller stomach its going to really go a long way in helping this one loose weight.

08/10/2011                                                                                                                                                                                Today it woke up really early and waited around for a bit for Master to wake up, once He woke up it got to work in the bathroom. This one re-organized the entire bathroom putting all of Master's things on the right side and all Mistress's things on the left side, re-organized all Their items into the drawers and common things on the top it also before that removed everything and scrubbed every single inch of the entire bathroom. This one was very happy to do more for its Master and Mistress, it was very happy when Mistress said, “yay clean bathroom.” This one did not do too much today but as always is very happy being under Master and Mistress.

08/11/2011
Today it woke up really late and it felt really awful doing that, it lost a lot of motivation and felt lazy it did not do the dishes and it took a lot of free time (was given by Master) but it felt like it should of done something more for Mistress and Master. This one was happy to complete the task given to it but, it could not do much with the counter because it did not know where to put anything that was up there. This one also offered to make the bed but Master said no so it ended up sitting around for most of the day until Mistress came home. This one also went out with Master to get the things required for its recipe that it is SOOO excited to make for Mistress and Master once given permission to.

08/12/2011
Today it woke up along with Master and Mistress Master decided to sleep in though because He stayed up really late, this one took a shower and got itself ready for the big day today, today it got a bank account with Mistress's name on it, it was very happy about this and it was a fun time, it also got to know about its future permanent collar which it is now super excited about, it cannot wait to don its Master and Mistress's collar and never be able to take it off again, it will be a permanent piece of this ones body. After that it got to have the whole day with Mistress which was nice and when it got home it was even given a chance to make its favorite dish for Master and Mistress, sadly the crappy recipe called for too much soy sauce and if it makes it again it will cut back on that also the onions were VERY STRONG whilst cutting and even into cooking but this one LOVED the dish as it likes salty/ soy sauce covered dishes, it ate every bite and scrap sadly that was too much for its stomach as it ate rice and rice expands when it hits the stomach so it got to deal with that whilst it cleaned the kitchen after its big mess. This one also when it finished up realized that the pads of its feet started to hurt really bad, probably from walking around a lot and standing barefoot on tile for multiple hours.  This one once finished noticed that Master and Mistress ran off to the bathroom alone and it didn't think it was for sex, it got really, really, worried as it would hate to see Them break up, it loves its Master and Mistress both very, very much. This one hates seeing Them fight and it can't help but to think it was somehow its fault. This ones job is to keep Them both happy and They are fighting, it had to have done something wrong, but thankfully it was told by Mistress that it was doing well, and that helped but it still worries for Master and Mistress in general. This one loves Them so much, it hopes things fix between Them. This one devoted its life to Them and that is what it will do.

08/13/2011
Today it woke up and waited for Mistress to give it a order and it was really worried about Mistress and Master's relationship so it texted its sister about it. This one was soo worried that it forgot it should not be messaging anyone without expressed Permission by Master and/ or Mistress. This one also got to go out and about again with Master and Mistress which is always nice. Later on it got to practice its positions which is always a great refresher... also Master and Mistress both have been hitting this one a bit harder Master especially, this ones butt did feel the pain. While doing its exercise its ass was used by a couple of this ones toys which was interesting, made exercising much more different. Then it was given a amazing gift by Mistress, a new hair color, dark red which is SOOOO PRETTY it loves it soooo much... so much in fact it is going to ask Master and Mistress if it could take a picture or two and put it on FurAffinity/ Facebook. This one loves spending time like that with Mistress it loves bonding with Her as her slave.

08/14/2011
Today it woke up sleeping on the wrong side because it fell asleep watching the movie Rio. It got to do more laundry and talk to Mistress more on “what ifs” which is always nice to talk about, got to learn some of the things that would happen if Mistress took in Her kids. This one also while doing its exercise noticed something wrong this Mistress. She pinched a nerve and it had to watch Mistress in pain while Master tried to make it better but only made it worse, this one wished it could do something, it felt soooo worried about Her, it knows Master means best but sometimes he may need to back off a little if Mistress says stop, especially while crying out in pain. This one hopes it does not have to watch such a thing again it hates seeing Mistress in pain, and would do anything to fix or stop it, itself.

Destiny 8/8/2011 - 8/14/2011

8-8-11

Journal, it is glad to report to you that it is in a much better mood than it was yesterday. it supposes that these off-days it seems to have are necessary for it to purge the built up negative material…it just wishes it didn’t have to come out so explosively. Looking back over what it has written it is rather embarrassed; as these seem to get worse each time it is worried that someday it will forget its just a thing it needs to go through and end up really screwing things up, but, anyway. it rather enjoys practicing the ‘kneeling’ position before affirmation, since it is nearly identical to the asana it has always used for meditative work, and so it enhances the feeling of serenity and placid-ness and purposefulness that it relishes performing the affirmation for. It is also interesting that mentally saying ‘kneel’ while being in that familiar position has changed how it thinks about it when it is in it for meditation. This is probably frightfully abstruse, but the connection with so explicitly submissively suggestive of a word as ‘kneel’ (which, at the very least out of all the positions so far, is the only one that already has as a natural meaning the connotation of ‘submit,’ either as a command from someone else or to itself) it made it realize that the work of making one’s mind still -- the goal of meditation -- is inherently an extremely submissive act. The purpose of meditation is to as literally as possible completely silence the self, almost remove the self from the equation of the universe and thereby be completely passive and so completely receptive to the movements and the will of the universe. Mediators have long talked about how reaching very advanced states of this actually grants one exquisite ecstasy and almost contradictory power and feelings of unity with the universe, and it finds it quite interesting that these are the very same feelings sub-missives seem to desire out of M/s; the bliss and thrilling freedom of completely losing oneself in the will of Master and Mistress is unquestionably a spiritual experience. But this is a ramble, journal, so it will say goodnight.  

8-9-11

Journal, it has little to report to you today. it spent most of its time today decompressing from last week, which it was grateful for. Even though it had to work it didn’t stress it out because since it was covering for someone else it felt like it wasn’t even really there, or because it didn’t have to be there but chose to be there everything was completely different. it usually feels this way about covering, but thinking about it today made it make the connection between that feeling and the difference between having control taken from it vs. giving up control it was mulling over last week, so it makes it wonder if there is some unifying property connecting both? Also, it was slightly concerned, as Mistress indicated to it that some sort of issue has arisen, but it does not know any more than that. it makes it feel bad because of its distance it is completely helpless to be there for Master and Mistress and help them with whatever is wrong…but it of course trusts that They will inform it of whatever it needs to know, and so it must trust that it is indeed helping even if just by following Their commands. 

8-10-11

Journal, unfortunately again it has little to report to you today. it performed its affirmation and texted with Mistress a bit; while we were going to have a call tonight, since it is still at its dad’s She decided that it would be best to hold off the call until tomorrow night when it is at its mom’s which it understands. it realizes now that the privacy thing shouldn’t be an issue in any event since it will be able to use its phone and so wont be limited by wherever a wifi hotspot is available. it is very excited to talk to Master and Mistress this week, it imagines things are very exciting there since this is the first full week sister has been there with Master and Mistress, so it imagines a lot of the kinks are getting worked out, hahaha…. sorry journal, it couldn’t resist.

8-11-11

Journal, it is writing to you just after its phone call with Master and Mistress. it is embarrassed, it kind of rather messed up in the phone call. it took it in its car since its mom was at home, but it was pouring rain outside (even hailing a little), and since it was on speakerphone it was extremely difficult to hear what Master and Mistress and sister were saying. Still, it was able to hash out some important things; when Mistress mentioned buying Her ticket for driving across with it it mentioned that it thought that it would be less inconvenient and burdensome on Master and Mistress if it simply drove itself, and Master and Mistress were agreeable to this idea. it had been thinking about this for a few days but felt it was important that it talk about this idea over the phone rather than through texts or its journal entries. it hopes this new plan will make things go more smoothly in general and give all of us some more wiggle room. Master and Mistress’ and sister’s main concern seemed to be it driving over difficult conditions, and it is so very deeply touched by Their and her concern for it, but it has driven in snow and over mountains before and so it is confident it will be safe. Mistress and sister then gave it some helpful advice for driving, although it will unfortunately admit that it was really struggling to hear most of it since the rain was really bad at this point. This is when it kind of screwed up. it couldn’t tell who was talking to who, it thought sister was speaking to it when she was actually talking to Master, and then the worst, it could hardly tell Mistress’ and sister’s voices apart with all the echo in the room and the speakerphone, and so while Mistress was telling a story to everyone it thought She was speaking to Master and it didn’t respond when it was supposed to, and when She asked why it hadn’t it misidentified Her voice and addressed Her as ‘sister.’ Oooooooh my godddd journal it *really* could have just died on the spot when it realized what it had done; it still feels so embarrassed, its face was red for the entire rest of the call and is probably so right now. Mistress who is so kind and gracious to it forgave the whole thing, and based on how the sound quality changed it thinks She then began speaking directly into the receiver, and from that point on it actually had a lovely conversation and was able to be much more interactive. Still journal, it was so mortified, it has definitely learned its lesson, that its better to admit that it can’t tell what is expected of it or how it is to respond than to act based on what it thinks and end up being completely out of line…

8-12-11

Journal, not much happened today. it was at work all day and so performed its affirmation in the morning, which was well since unlike usual it was at work for the entire twelve hours it was open. Still, it regrets that because of this it did not get to practice the new position which it is so thankful to Mistress for sending it, ‘present.’ it must admit journal just from looking at it that this is going to be a very interesting position to practice. it feels bad that it can’t think of anything else to say, it is concerned that it is running out of things to talk to you about journal; perhaps it will have to learn to accept to not to be so ridiculously lengthy with its entries, and moreover that it is sure it will have things-to-say overflowing once it is actually serving Master and Mistress in Their presence. 

8-13-11

OK journal, so perhaps complaining about not having things to say yesterday wasn’t the best idea. Journal, it will not go into too much detail, but it will tell you that its sister informed it this morning that Master and Mistress were having some difficulties. it was glad it was able to show Them that it was there to be supportive regardless of what happens, but it does make it worry (even though Mistress, in a very sweet way, told it it was not to worry, it can’t help itself.) Not so much about what will become of it in relation to this, but because it knows Master and Mistress care for each other so much and it cares for Them both so deeply that it hates to see Them upset and doesn’t want Them to be hurt in any way. it imagines that some friction is probably inevitable since we’re all getting used to a new life arrangement in general and going through a lot of different things (it doesn’t pretend to know everything Master and Mistress are dealing with, but it knows They are under pressures) and so hopefully this was just a symptom of readjusting. it was very glad to hear that things had mostly been sorted out. it also is sure tensions will be much less when all of us are moved into our new places and established -- it has complete faith that we can be a very stable unit once everything gets settled. Aside from this it was also very grateful to sister for letting it know about this at all, it was afraid before that if things were bad (in any number of ways, not just this) that because it wasn’t there it might not find out about it and so be unable to support Master and Mistress…it was glad at the very least that it was at least able to be there in some sense this time.  

8-14-11

Journal, it had a very nice day today. it had alright visits with its grandparents and dad and it was so glad to hear from Mistress just after it performed its affirmation that things were all wonderful again for Master and Mistress. it is so happy and proud (…is it appropriate for a slave to be proud of its Master and Mistress, or does that feeling only go in one direction in M/s? anyway you know what i mean journal) of Master and Mistress, as it is clear from how quickly They resolved Their difficulties that They truly care about each other and Their bond is very strong -- even most tiffs in healthy relationships last longer than a single day, so this has redoubled its confidence in Master and Mistress and the relationship between all four of us in general. Master and Mistress guide it and protect it so well…everything is so safe in Their Domain. it originally wasn’t going to mention this journal but it stuck in its mind so powerfully. Mistress said to it the words ‘things will always be ok for it.’ it cannot express in words how this sentence makes it feel. it has never even imagined in all its life that such a thing could be true or that anyone would ever say such a thing to it. it can hardly imagine that such a sentence could be formed, yet because Mistress is the one who said it to it…it believes. it can’t describe to you the feeling that came over it when Mistress said that to it, the closest it can say is that it experienced a feeling of being safe and protected far far more intense than any it has ever felt before, and it really was kind of a revelation for it. it is most likely because it has always had many difficulties with security and attachment and abandonment that it inevitably sought out this lifestyle but, even if somewhere it understood in the back of its mind that this sort of relationship could be a palliative for this -- at least what it always felt to be -- flaw within it, it never had or would have imagined that these feelings could not just be assuaged but actually and truly fulfilled… the mere thought that this is possible is beyond any sort of fulfillment it has ever thought possible, and in these words it has gotten a taste of it, and so it makes it realize more fully what dynamic it is within its psyche that makes it desire to submit to Master and Mistress, and more than this, that if such a thing as genuine emotional security exists and is achievable through its service to Master and Mistress, then really nothing else matters.