February 19, 2012

it had a long day at work, their was a system outage, which results in numerous customers calling in to be informed that it cannot help them. Most reps don't care... it did not get so involved in this career path to tell people it is useless to them. >.<

Aside from that, it has many thoughts swirling around about it's submission and ownership. it is not sure how to express them all though. it is concerned about whether it is truly capable of bending to the absolute will of Mistress... it fears that once living under Her roof, it may need to flat out volunteer harsher methods of control initially so as to get into the proper mindset fully... it is still so much in a headset that it needs to fend for itself, needs to think for itself, and needs to constantly think and plan ahead sometimes months in advance... if it is Mistress' slave, Her plaything, Her pet, Her toy, Her sex slave, Her property, Her possession... okay... perhaps it is going on with this list because the possessive titles all make it warm and fuzzy... where was it? Hmm. Any-who, it does have some concerns about it's ability to let go, it also worries about heavy sm... it has quite a tolerance for beatings, and it worries about the balance of play vs submission. This is a hard concern for it to express, it will try to explain better... it wishes, as it has in the past, that it was less experienced than it is. it worries that it's exposure to some very extreme forms of S&M may make it too much to handle, it fears that it may inevitably be unhappy if it cannot continue at least occasionally partaking in these things... it is particularly concerned about knife play, this was the first heavy play that it came to appreciate rather thoroughly. Thoughts like this scare it, and it worries about whether it will be worth Mistress' trouble once it is recovered, Mistress is kind, Mistress is patient, Mistress is caring, and Mistress is genuine. it really hopes to be worth Mistress' while, but it has had too much time to be inside it's own head tonight, questioning itself left and right, and well.... these things are difficult for it. it doesn't intend to freak Mistress out, nor does this mean it is fleeing or disappearing by ANY means, it promises Mistress to remain communicative, and to be honest about it's genuine interest in being Her lucky pet ^_^

As for questions, it hasn't been checking it's email much, it has been focusing it's free time on taking the antibiotics, and sleeping pills. it's life is basically work and sleep at the moment, which is admittedly not a happy life to sustain. it does not recall any questions other than when it is getting another phone. In that regard, it has confirmed that it's phone has been located, it plans to make a trip to recover it's phone once it is off it's meds and no longer contagious.

it has taken it's sleep pills and meds, and it is off to complete it's affirmations then get to bed. it believes it is falling for Mistress further and further each day, the affirmations continue it's progress into a consistent submissive state, and it while it has an apprehensive nature, it is determined to let Mistress in so that She might better find the reigns at her fingertips.

in submission, happy and lucky submission, Her pet.