March 11, 2012

Calmer...

Today felt calmer. Probably due to a number of things. it got to see friends today. That sounds silly, but it really hasn't gotten to see friends in... months. it needed that. Good god it feels calmer now. it still feels submissive to Mistress, it appreciates Her offers to continue without submission, but it does not wish to remove that element from relations, it wishes to find a happy balance between being a boyfriend, and being a submissive. it feels most comfortable deferring to a dominant Mistress in relationships, it simply needs to figure out what it's wants and needs are in that regard, and figure out how that would line up with Mistress as well. it has not had, and still does not have any hard feelings towards Mistress... The longer it writes these, the more it affirms the more bound it feels. it is beginning to feel almost as though there is already a collar around it's neck emotionally. That's not a bad thing, but that is part of what scared it so much, now that it has time to think. it felt as though it was somehow being collared before actually agreeing to it, like Mistress just took it's heart and grabbed it firmly, put a lock on it, and left this one bound without asking it first... and the truth is that Mistress had that effect because of how it feels towards her, and it can't resist that feeling when thinking of her. it still has a couple things to process... but it is feeling far more comfortable... just needs a bit more time to feel less... frantic.

it dreamt  not long ago -actually dreamt, not fantasized, not read or wrote... But actually woke from a dream in which the world was actually led by women as a gender. Men had similar rights to women in the 1930's. We were human, but we were considered intellectually inferior, and unfit to make major life decisions... A male's ideal life would be to find a strong woman who knew her place in the world, and to be by her side, her submissive partner, yielding to her decisions and obeying as one might see a housewife do a la old black and white syndicated television. The man sat in the passenger seat at all times, carried the bags, still opened doors; but did not speak up unless appropriate, many wore silver collars round their necks, sometimes with tags of ownership, and they all knew their place... it was an odd but very nice dream. Perhaps this one will write something longer about it as a short story some time. The dream does speak volumes to this one's true subconscious desires, and well, while it has been nervous about sharing the dream, it feels that the knowledge might make Mistress smile... and She deserves to smile when reading this... it hopes to start making many more happy entries again. This dream scared it originally... scared it a lot. Largely, because it added to the whole panic effect... "What is this collar, and why does it seem to be bound tightly round my heart? Who the hell put a padlock on this? When did I say that this was okay!?! I didn't agree to this yet!" ...but the truth is that submission doesn't ask permission, a submissive nature exists whether this one wants that nature to exist or not... submission cannot truly be turned off or controlled. Submission is a reflex, an instinct, a pre-determined destiny. it feels far more at peace today.

it did not sleep well last night, it's neighbors downstairs have been smoking pot, right out their window it thinks, because it is routinely smelling marijuana in the late mornings. And only through it's open window. it hates that smell. it doesn't care if someone else wants to smoke the stuff -but this one shouldn't have to smell it. Blarg.

This one is off to affirm, and to think fondly of Mistress... and probably wake up half humping it's bed again, since it hasn't cum in a while, lolololol!

-happy pet.