Aurora March 12, 2012

i find it hard on days like these to be alone and have to the be the begging for attention. i am about to break down and spend the rest of the day crying...i know i am not be alone forever and there are people out there that do spend time with me, but its rare once a week and some others its once every few months. i think i deserve to be loved. But as of late i am start to doubt my value. Everyone i know has a mate or lover, even my x-girl friend found someone. This leads me to thinking whats the point...i get up i eat i go walking and i help kim or paul. But no one calls and says what you doing? would you like to go do some thing..its always me begging. if i have to beg..does that mean i am really not wanted? i keep trying to tell my self it won't be forever. Just get back in college and maybe just maybe you might meet someone..but honestly the college age person is in there early 20's and would never date someone my age unless they got some thing from me. I haven't felt really loved since i was married. The kind of love where the person doesn't want any one else just me..i just wish the pain would end. or void in my heart could be filled.i want a hug but there is no one to give me one. 

Continued from same day

 

Had a really relaxing day playing SWTOR and chatting with another sub that plays SWTOR. And had a filling dinner. about 90 min in to my shift i get an error with the Ninjato software and i let my supervisor Sean Brooks know about it and the first thing he says its on my end and he may have to write me up if i don't fix it right away. He says its my ISP or my network and then he says you need to update your network drivers. While he telling me all this I reach out to another engineer and ask him if he can open the ticket that gives me the error and he can't and that engineer asks command and they can't open it. so the engineer tell Sean he can't open and same with command. Sean then says command tells me corrupted and does he tell me sorry no. Stress me the hell out and it wasn't my fault. That man needs to be bitch slap so bad. its been 4 hours and still no break.