Hmmm... it is supposed to focus more on current feeligs and happenings with these entries. it isn't very good with the whole 'feelings' thing. it is actually pretty epicly bad with that... call it cold or heartless at times, but us awful with emotions.
That said... it is currently undergoing a shift that pleases and scares it all at once. That being the transition mentally towards serving Mistress. The pull She has on it is becoming stronger and that is very powerful and very scary. it wants to be owned, collared, kept... it wants to serve, but it is conflicted with how fast it is falling into this. it knows that this is it's natural place, but it also has difficulty and fear in letting everything go in it's mind. it has worked very hard not to need help, to be self sufficient, to be stable and strong. And feeling that it maintains that while being completely subjegated is a difficult realty to fathom... it is concerned about becoming less useful in this way, weakened even. That scares it some.
The conflict comes from it's inherently natural desire to serve, the same desire that made me willing and eager to take the role She wishes, kneeling, naked and exposed for Her access and Her pleasures when She wishes. it's a no brainer. But it has to take down all these walls that it spent so long putting up, tree defenses and safegaurds.... it never let's anyone in to it's inner self. Truthfully, it does not know what exists there, in itself. it spent so much time building and changing and protecting itself, that on it's own it hardly knows what to do. Literally speaking, it has found itself (not recently) sitting in it's home, just contemplating what it should do when there is no one to please, no one who must approve. That's an odd gong to realize. In many ways it is opinionated, but in a lot of ways it is a blank slate.
On an unrelated sidenote, it is a little concerned with some of Mistress' opinions on other fetishes and lifestyles. While it does not practice most of these, it does spend a large amount of time spreading acceptance and awareness of these kinks.... so hearing someone knock or degrade he fetishes or interests of others really does bother it. it knows that came out of nowhere, but it needed to say that based on prior conversations. it is accepting of all, and wants to feel the same acceptance with those around it. ^_^
This has been a weird post. it feels weird. Weird weird weird. Sometimes it thinks that just having a collar around it's neck and a remote shock collar around it's balls would quickly fix this whole 'individuality' thing, and allow it to serve happily ever after. More random weirdness. Blegh. Sorry for so much oddity and blegh.
That said... it is currently undergoing a shift that pleases and scares it all at once. That being the transition mentally towards serving Mistress. The pull She has on it is becoming stronger and that is very powerful and very scary. it wants to be owned, collared, kept... it wants to serve, but it is conflicted with how fast it is falling into this. it knows that this is it's natural place, but it also has difficulty and fear in letting everything go in it's mind. it has worked very hard not to need help, to be self sufficient, to be stable and strong. And feeling that it maintains that while being completely subjegated is a difficult realty to fathom... it is concerned about becoming less useful in this way, weakened even. That scares it some.
The conflict comes from it's inherently natural desire to serve, the same desire that made me willing and eager to take the role She wishes, kneeling, naked and exposed for Her access and Her pleasures when She wishes. it's a no brainer. But it has to take down all these walls that it spent so long putting up, tree defenses and safegaurds.... it never let's anyone in to it's inner self. Truthfully, it does not know what exists there, in itself. it spent so much time building and changing and protecting itself, that on it's own it hardly knows what to do. Literally speaking, it has found itself (not recently) sitting in it's home, just contemplating what it should do when there is no one to please, no one who must approve. That's an odd gong to realize. In many ways it is opinionated, but in a lot of ways it is a blank slate.
On an unrelated sidenote, it is a little concerned with some of Mistress' opinions on other fetishes and lifestyles. While it does not practice most of these, it does spend a large amount of time spreading acceptance and awareness of these kinks.... so hearing someone knock or degrade he fetishes or interests of others really does bother it. it knows that came out of nowhere, but it needed to say that based on prior conversations. it is accepting of all, and wants to feel the same acceptance with those around it. ^_^
This has been a weird post. it feels weird. Weird weird weird. Sometimes it thinks that just having a collar around it's neck and a remote shock collar around it's balls would quickly fix this whole 'individuality' thing, and allow it to serve happily ever after. More random weirdness. Blegh. Sorry for so much oddity and blegh.
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