Before getting to that; This wasn't the subject it had planned originally for today, it will give a quick runthrough of it's actual day: it did a bit of cleaning, took out trash, and attempted a short self cleaning so that it could reach Mistress nice and early this morning. it arrived, cuddled with Mistress, and was unforunately not tired... but Mistress apparently knew how to fix that. There was much sensual teasing, it enjoyed kissing Her neck and Mistress enjoyed making it aroused and hard. After a bit, Mistress took a firm grip of it's cock... now Her cock to use as She wishes. She allowed it the privelage of some shared fun, it got some protection, and it was allowed to penetrate Mistress for her pleasure. it made a point to push just deep enough and just fast enough that Mistress was getting the maximum enjoyment from the sound of things... Mistress asked a few times if it had cum yet, but it had not, it is hardwired to provide far more orgasm than it receives... this is a part of it's natural submissive tendencies. A part it could not shut down ny more than it's need to breathe. After some time, it was permitted by Mistress most graciously to climax... Mistress and Her pet were at it easily more than 30 minutes this morning until hunched over Her, it began to snarl, began to growl and thrust deeper and harder, slamming in as it came... completely primal, controlled energy like a beast in a cage. it was a bot embarrassed about the growling but happy that Mistress liked it.
Now, it somehow doubts that anyone reading will have been terribly upset by the subject matter of that last portion, but that was really a highlight to it's day... THE highlight. LOL. So now on to a little less pleasant history.
So, it was recently reminded of one of the first major turning points in it's life, when it had to either become a very angry bitter person, or to push through the hard times. This was the beginning of why it is what it now is.
April 1999, it was finishing up junior high, it's closest friend was wrapping up freshman year of high school, and they were both 'too smart for you' technophiles. The jaded borderline sociopath sort, not the friendly sort. it had been publicly lambasted by it's friends for no reason other than they were amused by doing so, and it had fallen in with someone a little more dangerous and antisocial. This was the darker time of it's life. It learned bad things, harmful things, dangerous things that it wishes it did not know anymore. In it's desire to simply separate itself from the rest of it's peers it conjured up an idea, an idea which was conceived for it's ability to create fear without harm, the cost of trauma seemed low in comparison to continued exposure to it's environment. The plan was loosely to obtain dry ice, to have it placed in a few empty bottles sealed tight and then allowed to explode and create the illusion of something much worse.
it was in a dark dark place.
it trusted the
it trusted the right person.
One of the ppl it brought in to formulate it's plan got scared, and turned us in. That was a good thing for it. The incident was huge, we were brought in individually, this was only days after the columbine incident had hit front pages everywhere, and schools were terrified... faculty did not act ethically in this matter, and instead lashed out with fear and anger to what it feels was a severely dishonest degree. Faculty conjured up more of a plan, with severe intended harm, and brought police in with that information. it was in a bad way, with faculty describing a far more vindictive course of action than it could ever ascribe to. it is not a creature of anger and detriment, these things are not in it's nature. it wanted to create a spectacle that it foolishly thought would be just large enough a few weeks before school ended to cut the school year short and to end the misery just that much sooner, it was counting on the weak minded to cry out in fear and declare that they couldn't step back into that place, and on those in authority to look upon these weak individuals -many of whom had made the environment so detestable and harmful to it themselves- and they would show mercy and declare the year ended early. it does not believe this was it's wisest most noble idea, but it had no intent of any physical harm, and nothing that it's peers wouldn't recover from in a few weeks. "And what's a few weeks of cooldown compared to years of misery?" it thought.
it learned something else. The writer who created that compendium of diabolical knowledge, who crafted so many recipes that the world need not know, had crafted and assembled it as a cruel joke. These were recipes that he knew to be flawed, uncontrolled, and far more dangerous than he let on. He was bitter with the world himself and created it as a tool to anonymously strike out at random strangers who would be potentially injured and maimed for life. He has claimed many victims over the years.
If it had pursued this plan, it would have injured and potentially killed. That is something it could not live with. There are very few reasons that it can conceive truly of committing suicide... if it had hurt so many innocent young lives, it does not think it could have continued living with itself. There were many many years before it could forgive itself of it's ignorance in this fact. Many years of volunteer work, of compassion, and of helping strangers in need, many years of truly making a point to turn itself 180 away from that path before it finally let go of the anger towards itself. it is no longer angry with itself, but it will always recall this as a morbid reminder of it's own capability, a sobering and concerning thought that it will always live with.
The turnover was not easy either. Only a couple weeks later, it's closest friend conjured up a similar but different plan. He intended to use it in an act of defiance against authority. it knew that this was real. He was already assembling materials for a plan that... would have been unspeakable. it tried to talk him out of it, tried to coerce him, tried to convince him that the neighbors and authorities were on to him, that he should dump the materials and cut clean. He could not be convinced. This was the closest friend it has ever had. And more than ten years later, this is still the closest friend it ever will have. it does not trust people, and it can't because of this. it has seen a lot of things, and been put through far more than it should have ever had to endure in it's life in many ways, but this individual is the cause of it's lack of trust. He would not back down, and finally it believed that coming to authorities with proof was the only way it could end things, preferably before people were hurt. it planned a day that it knew it's mother would be home, and came home with tears and materials. it knew this would likely be the end of it's only remaining friendship. When it brought the materials home, it's mother was freaked out. it explained the situation to it's mother, and it's mother called the other parents... whom immediately called the police on it. The situation turned into a police interrogation, it's home was turned upside down, police took notice that the container matched several of his family's, and none of the ones in it's home, they noted that the materials for more were all there and gathered in one place -the same materials were not available in it's home. The recipe book was still active in several places on his computer, and nowhere in it's posession. His parents chose to believe that it was a bad egg simply trying to bring him down to it's level. what it didn't expect was that despite overwhelming factors which proved it could not possibly be the guilty party, it's parents believed that it was guilty too. And, that has never changed, we just don't speak of the matter. This has moving to do with kink, or it's submission, but speaks to it's personality and the moments that have changed it. That moment broke it at it's core. Because in the last moment, when it would have been easy to walk away, when it could have let things slide and there would have been no one to know it was privy to that information. it did the right thing, knowing that not everyone would believe it, knowing that not everyone would stand behind it... knowing that giving up it's last source of validation and comradely, it did what it should. Yeah, it's getting a little dramatic. But it looks back on that, and the next six months of it's life which were miserable at best, it knew that it needed to make a big change and to move down the right path, and it did. it entered high school with teachers either scared of it or instantly angry at it, they'd all read the record and knew the story, and they wanted it gone. And yet here it is. ^_^ it hopes that his hasn't been an entirely overdone bitch-fit, and thanks Mistress for having it.
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