February 10, 2012

The time is 4:13am, and it is not sleepy. it is currently occupied with thoughts of Mistress, and a desire to please Her, when this blog entry is finished, it will perform it's affirmation at Mistress Kristen's will.

it will start with a brief overview of it's day, it slept... a little, which has been challenging lately. it woke up quite aroused and made the decision to ask Mistress if it may cum in the shower this afternoon. This was a significant decision, because it has not yet signed any agreements of the sort... This pet really considered having one last climax of it's own, one last act of self. it does not regret handing this authority to Mistress Kristen. Much of the day was spend with family, it does not like to speak of family, but it feels it must deal with family weekly, because it cannot handle the potential consequences if it does not do this. The day was long, and for the most part uninteresting. Mistress contacted it throughout the day on occasion, which was fantastic, She teased it and placed naughty thoughts in it's head until it had to cross legs to hide arousal. That was the day's high point.

Being the first entry, some background seems in order here, so that it may be better understood. it writes this journal as a form of communication for Mistress Kristen, who has inexplicably taken an interest in it, even to the very real potential of ownership... and it is honored in this. Ownership first drew it to this lifestyle, more than a decade ago... A thirteen year old kid was browsing porn on his buddy's computer, high speed internet connections had just been created, and a boy of it's age could only on very rare occasion get unsupervised access to one (with an ultra-rare CD-burner to boot! lol)... Back at this time, it was busily grabbing up as much pornography as it could... it didn't even know how to climax yet, but it was determined to grab as much pornography as it could muster up. Mistress Kristen has found a very pervy, very slutty, very horny pet. ^_^

While browsing through, it began to look up anything it could... Trying all the strange taboos and fetishes it could conjure up (the internet had not reached the age of rule 34 at this time.) It found everything, cream-pies, teens, cheerleaders, anal stretching, and a number of other things... One of the last things it found was an S&M website, and it will likely remember this clearly for the rest of it's life. A man, naked, with his hands bound in front of him, standing with his legs spread wide; his partner stood in front of him, looked him in the eye, and then kicked him square in the testicles. He knew it was coming, she had signaled him, and he simply stood there -exposed and open to her, and he took everything she wanted to inflict on him. It was clear he felt pain, and that he was in complete control of his body. This man could stand up straight, close his legs at any time, though his hands were bound, he could have pushed her away or simply held her at a distance at any time. As her foot advanced towards his most precious of areas, he didn't even say "no".

This pet had detailed the scene a lot, but the scene had a hard-stop impact on it mentally and emotionally. it watched again, and again, and again. The file was put onto a CD-r, and in secret it watched several more times... it was aroused, and confused, and intrigued. For several days it had no explanation, no resources, and no answers; but something felt familiar there. When it once more found unrestricted access, it opted to seek out more information on the subject. At the time, it could only find small scraps of information. An old website known as "Caryl's Dungeon" was one of the only information indexes available for it. The site was ugly, even by standards of the time, there were only a handful of articles, but there was enthusiasm behind them.

After extensive reading, it learned the basics of BDSM, the one's that it could. Through a lot of reading, it learned that the male it had seen was a submissive or a slave, the male had felt so strongly a sense of dedication and submission towards this woman that he would accept anything she wanted to dole out to him. Not just to accept it, but to savor it, every moment. This man had found joy in giving her control in that moment. The more it read, the more it knew this was right. This was it's place. Since that time, it has known that it's natural place is in submission. From the very moment it learned of collaring... of ownership, the sense and the knowledge that it could be not just a boyfriend, but the very property of someone in such a way... the fact that it could belong not just to belong to someone, but to feel that it was in it's right place, that it was owned and kept where it should be... Something about that concept just sits perfectly with it. Always has... And probably always will.

This first post was intended not to focus so much on one instance, but... well, it gets passionate in writing sometimes. Not all subjects will be like this, it doesn't want to rant too much on it's soap box. After all, it feels that it is better seen in service than heard ranting, lol.

it thinks fondly of Mistress Kristen, and looks forward to further developments and negotiations with Her.